Back in October, we detailed a list of things that, if you are the hedge fund manager who goes by the name Steven A. Cohen, you really don't want to hear first thing in the morning. They included: “The fleeces are on back order”; “Your ex-wife is in the lobby”; “There’s a photographer here who said he’s been authorized to shoot you wearing a king’s robe and crown for a set of playing cards”; “You’ve been outmaneuvered for the Toledo Mud Hens. But I hear the Binghamton Mets may be available.” Today we must update that list to include another thing, perhaps THE thing,* that people delivering news to Cohen don't want to relay. Paraphrasing but any variants on: "Mr. Cohen, we've received a Wells notice and by the way, they're considering naming you personally."
If you are a hedge fund manager who goes by the name Steven A. Cohen, there are a few things you really don't want to hear first thing in the morning. They include: a) "You might not want to put that whiteboard marker in your mouth" b) "The fleeces are on back order" c) "Your ex-wife is in the lobby" d) "There's a photographer here who said he's been authorized to shoot you wearing a king's robe and crown for a set of playing cards" e) "You've been outmaneuvered for the Toledo Mud Hens. But I hear the Binghamton Mets may be available." f) "One of your former employees told the FBI you regularly trade on material non-public information." No one has sodomized anyone with any foreign objects lately, the supplier got the message ("That shipment will be here in the next hour or you'll find out what it's like to be dragged down the BQE via Zamboni") loud and clear, Patty C is sitting this round out, photoshoots have been banned, and baseball in general can go fuck itself, so the mood at 72 Cummings Point Road today can likely be attributed to this: A former SAC Capital Advisors LP portfolio manager told the FBI it was “understood” that those assigned to give their best trading ideas to founder Steven A. Cohen would provide him with insider information, according to an agent’s notes of the conversation. The former fund manager, Noah Freeman, pleaded guilty to securities fraud in February 2011 after speaking to Federal Bureau of Investigation agents and federal prosecutors in New York in late 2010, in a so-called proffer session. Defendants use such sessions to determine whether to cooperate with the government against others. “At SAC Capital you were expected to provide your trading ideas to Cohen,” Freeman said, according to a Dec. 16, 2010, memo written by FBI Special Agent B.J. Kang. “Freeman and others at SAC Capital understood that providing Cohen with your best trading ideas involved providing Cohen with inside information.” Doesn't sound good! But before anyone launches himself into space in a rocket disguised as a Bob's Big Boy statue, let's stop to consider that: 1) The person who made this claim is Noah 'Judas' Freeman, the ex-SAC employee who recorded Donald Longueuil-- his closest friend, best man, and the guy who "helped Freeman get out of bed in the morning" during a bout of crippling depression he suffered after being dumped by his previous fiancée-- admitting to destroying evidence of the insider trading they both took part in in order to save himself and not have to eat the cost of the Puerto Rican vacation he'd booked months earlier, i.e. a person looking out for number one and number one only, who seems like he would probably say anything if he thought it was in his best interest.* 2) According to Bloomberg, "Freeman isn’t quoted as saying Cohen, 56, knew the information came from illegally obtained tips, ordered him to provide them or traded on the data," and unless someone can get their hands on the unofficial company handbook that includes a chapter on the burly-looking man who stops employees approaching the boss with an idea to say "If you violated any fewer than five securities laws in getting this information, don't waste his fucking time," proving that there was an unwritten, unspoken expectation that "the trading ideas involved dirty information," based on one crooked guy's claim, seems difficult. Having said all that, if it turns out four other people come forward to confirm Freeman's claim, or if he also wore a wire when chatting up Cohen, as he did with Longueuil, and got Cohen to go into great detail re: the wink-wink policy at the firm, that would be less than great and would probably have the potential to take over for the worst day of the Big Guy's life. But hey, no more forced sodomy on the trading floor! That's something! Ex-SAC Capital Manager Tells FBI Fund Used Insider Data [Bloomberg] Earlier: Donald Longueuil And Noah ‘Judas’ Freeman: A Bromance Betrayed *Re: Going on vacation, not going to prison.
The good news, if you are Mr. Steve Cohen: you were neither charged nor "mentioned by name" in the criminal complaint against your former employee, Mathew Martoma. The less good news: YOU ARE PORTFOLIO MANAGER A. YOU NEVER WANT TO BE PORTFOLIO MANAGER A!
Unclear but, based on recent reports, very possible. If you can come up with another idea re: how the "intimidating Cohen has become even more intimidating" in the wake of MartomaGate, we're all ears.