What Fate Awaits The Next People To Question Charlie Gasparino's Reporting? (UPDATE V)

[via @cgasparino] So far we've got: * Clown * Bozo * Shit-stain * Numbnuts Beyond names, we have it on good authority at least one person will be told their mother's a whore, while another will be instructed to go get their shoeshine box. Finally, a Twitter user TBD will be informed that if traffic getting in and out of the city weren't so backed up, Chaz would be taking them for a ride on the BQE, with their head counting as passenger No. 2 and their torso as passenger No. 3, so he can adhere to the minimum of 3/car rule imposed by Bloomberg earlier this week.
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So far we've got:

* Clown
* Bozo
* Shit-stain
* Numbnuts

We also have it on good authority at least one person will be told their mother's a whore, while another will be instructed to go get their shoeshine box. Finally, a Twitter user TBD will be informed that if traffic getting in and out of the city weren't so backed up, Chaz would be taking them for a ride on the BQE with their head counting as passenger No. 2 and their torso as passenger No. 3, in order to comply with the minimum three per car rule imposed by Bloomberg earlier this week.

@charliegasparino [Twitter]

Update: One down, one down, seven to go!

Update II: Now two for seven:

Update III: Now that his story has been proven accurate, the stakes are even higher than before. Will he ask people if they're planning to line up outside his door the day of his daughter's wedding, to apologize and pay respect? Stay tuned.

Update IV: CLOSE ENOUGH:

Update V: Not one of ours-- and failing to predict a workout-related comeback was an amateur-hour oversight, the shame of which will hang over our heads all weekend-- but needed to be brought to your attention nonetheless:

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Cigars 'n' Such: The Secrets To Charlie Gasparino's Success

Some people are such founts of generosity that on their birthday, they think not of themselves and what they will receive, but rather of how they can brighten the days of others. Charles Gasparino is one such selfless, gallant human being. On this special day, January 28th, the 50th anniversary of his entrance into the world, Mr. Gasparino has chosen to present us with a priceless gift: the secrets of his success. Print them out, mark them up, use them to advance your own cause, or simply give thanks to the god of journalism for his magnanimous spirit.