$$$ Schaeuble Declares Markets Wrong As Europe Heads To Vacation [Bloomberg] $$$ Don't Force Banks Into 'Draconian' Breakups: Whitney [CNBC] $$$ Morgan Stanley Stock May Be Worth $32 In Breakup, Mayo Says [Bloomberg] $$$ The Merkley plan to refinance underwater mortgages sounds pretty good [Reuters / Felix Salmon] $$$ Outspoken Analyst Kinnucan Pleads Guilty in Insider Case [WSJ] $$$ Man who rescued a 17-pound lobster "felt the nearly 100-year-old crustacean did not deserve to die with its parts soaked in butter. 'If he was 100, he saw World War I, World War II, man on the moon,' he said. 'Being in New England, he even saw the Red Sox win the World Series. So, he didn’t deserve the boiling water.'" [CBS] $$$ Due to recent regulatory requirements, a top bank in Charlotte is looking for a counterparty credit risk manager to be a Basel expert [DBCC] $$$ Libor scandal makes it more costly for bankers to get insured [Reuters] $$$ Europe Aims to Make Rate Manipulation a Criminal Offense [DealBook] $$$ Fund managers to lose securities lending profits [FT] $$$ The Securities and Exchange Commission drew sharp criticism from a federal judge who said they have failed to properly oversee a $55 million investor education fund created by a nearly decade-old settlement with Wall Street banks. The fund had been created as part of a roughly $1.5 billion regulatory accord in 2003 with Citigroup Inc, Goldman Sachs Group Inc, JPMorgan Chase & Co and other banks accused of publishing biased analyst research. U.S. District Judge William Pauley in Manhattan said the SEC has shown a "lack of oversight" and "indifference" toward how a nonprofit organization charged with distributing the money has been managed. ... Pauley pointed as an example to a two-year, $91,500 grant to the Genesee District Library in Flint, Michigan, that appeared to have resulted in just two events, one of which concerned "spending, sharing, and saving" for children ages two to five. "While there may be benefits to starting investor education early, toddlers seem beyond the pale," the judge wrote in an order issued Wednesday. [Reuters] $$$ Mitt Romney would restore 'Anglo-Saxon' relations between Britain and America [Telegraph]

$$$ EU could rewrite eurozone budgets [FT] $$$ Moody's Cuts Ratings on 28 Spanish Banks [WSJ] $$$ Do-it-yourself currency devaluation [NetNet / John Carney] $$$ Greek Finance Minister Quits Days Into The Job [Bloomberg] $$$ RBS computer failure condemns man to spend weekend in jail [Telegraph] $$$ Feeding your pet rabbit carrots could be bad for him [NYP] $$$ A leading tech focused M&A boutique investment bank would like to hire a senior associate or VP - could it be you? [DBCC] $$$ Mapping and Sizing the U.S. Repo Market [Liberty Street Economics] $$$ Downgrade of Funds to Have Broad Effects [WSJ] $$$ Banks fight Fed's push to make them less entwined [Reuters] $$$ "Breastaurants" Experiencing a Mini-Boom [AP] $$$ A Jew-Hating Elmo In Central Park [Gawker]

$$$ Athens faces tough bail-out terms [FT] $$$ ECB to Exchange Greek Bonds [WSJ] $$$ I give up, what would you do about Greece? [Crooked Timber] $$$ Yelp Sets Terms for March IPO [WSJ, possibly related] $$$ Goldman hires Harvard students because Harvard is bad at educating them [Bloomberg / Ezra Klein, possibly related] $$$ Australia's richest person wrote the universe's worst poem ("Develop North Australia, embrace multiculturalism and welcome short term foreign workers to our shores / To benefit from the export of our minerals and ores" etc.) [Telegraph via The Jane Dough] $$$ You could be a Credit Risk Senior Analyst at Genworth in Stamford [eFinancialCareers] $$$ Icahn Offers to Buy CVR Energy in at Least $2.6 Billion Deal [Bloomberg] $$$ The SEC raised the qualifications for being charged 2 and 20 [SEC] $$$ Merrill brokers are fine selling bad advice but draw the line at selling BofA banking services [Reuters / Felix Salmon] $$$ Welcome to six months ago Art Cashin. Some tips: buy NFLX; don't take any Tuscan cruises. [MarketBeat] $$$ Former U.S. Vice President Al Gore wants to end the default practice of quarterly earnings guidance and explore issuing loyalty-driven securities as part of an overhaul of capitalism which he says has turned many of the world's largest economies into hotbeds of irresponsible short-term investment. [Reuters] $$$ Toddler Rescued From Inside Claw Game [ABC]

$$$ European Union Proposes Central Banking Regulator [NYT] $$$ Spain says markets closing on it, seeks help for banks [Reuters] $$$ Ken Lewis's script to tell John Thain he was worried about Merrill's losses [Deal Journal] $$$ Using Confidential Information in a Hostile Offer [Harvard Law] $$$ Mitt Romney Surprised That Tall Man ‘Wasn’t in Sport’ [DI] $$$ Alpine Woods Capital Investors is looking for an experienced equity income Associate Portfolio Manager/Analyst in Westchester [DBCC] $$$ Hedge Funds Failing To Deliver Taxes To Connecticut [Bloomberg] $$$ Have a Bad Boss? Treat Him Like a Toddler [CNBC] $$$ Thomas H. Lee to Take Control of Party City [WSJ] $$$ Lax bros. Lax bros. [Boston Globe]

$$$ Geithner plans financial crisis book [CNN, earlier] $$$ Former Top Media Banker Sues Los Angeles and 2 Police Officers [DealBook, earlier] $$$ LionTree Advisors zooms up the M&A league tables [Bloomberg] $$$ "In his closely watched annual letter, Tilson said his Kase Fund - formerly T2 Partners before he split with Glenn Tongue last year - lost 1.7 percent compared to the Standard & Poor's 500 total return of 16 percent. He attributed the weakness to a highly correlated market that made divergences difficult to find." [CNBC] $$$ Ask Matt Taibbi anything on Reddit tomorrow [RS] $$$ Employment Agency Apologizes For Hooking Teen Up with Brothel Job [Gawker] $$$ PSEG is looking for a quantitative analyst to join its Energy Resource and Trade business in Newark [DBCC] $$$ RBS didn't admit to systematically lowering Libor during the crisis [Bloomberg] $$$ TIPS spreads remain correlated with equities [Money Illusion] $$$ Money Market Funds Intermediation, Bank Instability, and Contagion [FRBNY] $$$ The Risk Ownership Society [Dissent / Steve Randy Waldman] $$$ Christie Calls Doctor Who Raised Weight Concerns a ‘Hack’ [Bloomberg]

$$$ J.P. Morgan Suspends Share Buyback [WSJ] $$$ Bank of America's CEO 'Comfortable' With Investments [CNBC] $$$ Gupta ‘Threw Away His Duties,’ Prosecutor Says In Opening [Bloomberg] $$$ France, Germany Fail to Resolve Differences Over Euro Bonds [WSJ] $$$ U.S. lets China bypass Wall Street for Treasury orders [Reuters] $$$ MF Global's Corzine Got More Than $8 Million in Year Before Collapse [WSJ] $$$ S&P is looking for an associate to rate media and entertainment companies in Chicago - interested? [DBCC] $$$ "On average, for every additional 1% a company returned to shareholders between 2009 and 2011, the CEO was paid 0.6% more last year, the analysis found. For every 1% decline in shareholder return, the CEO was paid 0.6% less. ... In 2010, there was no correlation; for every 1% decrease in shareholder return, the average CEO was paid 0.02% more." [WSJ]$$$ Enron Ex-CEO Seeks Retrial On ‘New Evidence,’ Lawyer Says [Bloomberg] $$$ SEC move set to boost covered bonds in US [FT] $$$ With New Firepower, S.E.C. Tracks Bigger Game [DealBook] $$$ The New York Times printed a giant Gretchen Morgenson story about insider trading except there was no insider trading [Reuters / Felix Salmon, also Reformed Broker] $$$ Taxi Panel May Raise Fares Up to 20% [NYT] $$$ Gal claims she was 'too hot' to work in lingerie shop, forced to wear robe before getting boot: suit [NYP]

$$$ Spain to inject up to €19bn into Bankia [FT] $$$ New Democracy, Syriza Tied In Greek Race For First, Poll Says [Bloomberg] $$$ "Banks get to play a fun game every quarter that could be called Guess the Value of Your Assets! JPMorgan Chase plays it more than its peers." [DealBook] $$$ "This study proposes a novel framework for capital regulation that addresses banks’ incentives to take on excessive risk and leverage. The framework consists of a special capital account in addition to a core capital requirement. The special account would accrue to a bank’s shareholders as long as the bank is solvent, but would pass to the bank’s regulators — rather than its creditors — if the bank fails." [FRBNY] $$$ "Barry also had a knack for interceptions. When a joint was making the rounds, he often elbowed his way in, out of turn, shouted "Intercepted!," and took an extra hit. No one seemed to mind." [DI] $$$ That’s it for us today. We’re off Monday for the holiday, enjoy the long weekend and see you on Tuesday! $$$ Fortress Investment Group is looking for a treasury analyst in San Francisco [DBCC] $$$ Marc Faber: 100% Chance of Global Recession [CNBC!] $$$ Prosecutors gain early edge in Raj Gupta trial [Breakingviews] $$$ Despite Doubts, Lehman Charges Still Possible [DealBook] $$$ "A penguin on the run from a Tokyo aquarium since early March was adjusting to life back on the inside yesterday after being recaptured on a riverbank. The Humboldt penguin, one of 135 kept at Tokyo Sea Life Park, was recaptured after 82 days of freedom that had even seen it outwit Japan’s well-resourced coast guard. ... The hunt for the bird, which the aquarium said did not have a name, began in early March after it was spotted bathing in a river that runs into Tokyo Bay. Keepers believe the creature made its break for freedom after being startled into climbing over a rock twice its size." [AFP]

$$$ Goldman Reviewing Conflicts Policies for M&A Bankers [WSJ] $$$ Sprint Terminates Network Deal With Falcone’s LightSquared [Bloomberg] $$$ Deutsche Bank board appointment blocked [FT] $$$ Maybe Peter Henning thinks inside information obtained in AA meetings gets a free pass under securities laws? [DealBook, earlier] $$$ Shining Shoes Best Way Wall Street Women Outearn Men [Bloomberg] $$$ A $2 billion relative value hedge fund is looking for a credit trader in New York [DBCC] $$$ That thing about Apple's Foxconn slave laborers was fake [Marketplace] $$$ Billionaire index arbitrage [Felix Salmon / Reuters] $$$ Andrew Ross Sorkin is the most influential financial journalist; Zero Hedge's Tyler Durden tied for tenth [Talking Biz News] $$$ "Many under-30 tech entrepreneurs see the paper rectangles as an anachronism, so they are turning to digital options. About 85 million people manage their professional networks with LinkedIn. Some 77 million smartphone users have downloaded the Bump app, which allows them to bump their phones together and instantly exchange contact information." Business cards are passé among 20something tech nerds. [Chicago Tribune] $$$ A (human) BusinessWeek writer did a taste test of gourmet dog food [BW] $$$ But what will happen with St. Kitts and Nevis CDS? [FTAV]