First Food Eating Challenge Of 2013: Underway

It's another vending machine challenge and you know how we feel about those (too much time, not enough food, doesn't put hair on anyone's chest) BUT it does involve a contract (described as "amazing" by the half of Dealbreaker that was at one time licensed to practice law in New York), the terms of which state that in the event of a loss, the loser will pay for a lunch he's not invited to, so we've got award points for that.
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It's another vending machine challenge and you know how we feel about those (too much time, not enough food, doesn't put hair on anyone's chest) BUT it does involve a contract (described as "amazing" by the half of Dealbreaker that was at one time licensed to practice law in New York1), the terms of which state that in the event of a loss, the loser will pay for a lunch he's not invited to, so we've got award points for that.

Updates will be provided here throughout the day. Thus far:

8:30am: "Comes out swinging and takes down the Pop Tarts right away"
8:40am: "Hammers the Famous Amos chocolate chip and Grandma’s oatmeal raisin cookies"
8:45am: "Elfin animal crackers gone"
9:00am: "Duplex cookies done"
9:15am: "Jack Link’s jerky is done, started working on the Twizzlers – gonna chip away at those throughout the day"
9:20am: "Popped a wintergreen breath savers to freshen things up"
9:32am: "Moving onto chocolate – Hershey’s candy bar in process"
9:40am: “He’s confident, not full, but mouth is getting a little dry. Currently working his way through the potato skins."
9:45am: “His breathing is getting noticeably heavier – there’s also some sweat on his forehead he says is from ‘working out’ this morning.”
10:25am: Participant: “I’m starting to get kind of a numb feeling in my mouth."
11:02am: “Just punished the Twizzlers. 12 items down, total calories consumed so far = 3,600”
11:08am: “Feeling a little bloated; having trouble annunciating words."
11:19am: Participant: “I’m getting kind of full. Not full-full, I’ve been fuller, but I think I got the hard stuff out of the way.” [looks at Twix and Snickers] “Those things are gonna suck.”
11:27am: “These peanut butter cups are going down a little hard.”
11:32am: "Just topped 4,000 calories"
11:46am: Controversy as a few popcorn kernels fall to the ground, should they be eaten?
11:48am: Kernels have been consumed
12:00pm: Participant: “Feeling confident but dehydrated. I think I’m on pace to do this.”
12:18pm: "Sweating more profusely now"
12:35pm: "First pack of gum consumed, followed by Taco Doritos (???)"
1:10pm: "Nineteen items down. Might be hitting a wall – really struggling now, he looks like hell."
He’s got his designated final 4 pieces set up for him to get to 30. Not looking promising, although he may get there.
2:14pm: "0.000% of getting to all 39 items. He still has 5 bags of chips at least, trail mix, among others…"
2:28pm: Participant: “I’m so full I could burst. I can’t stand the taste of sugar or salt right now.”
2:30pm: 23 items down, 2 more in process. Totals consumed so far: 5620 calories (269% DV), 209g of fat (308% DV), and 5915g of sodium (246% DV)
2:48pm: "Game over – he throws in the towel after 25.5 items. Looks like we’ll be taking that credit card to lunch after all…"
2:52pm: Participant: “I can’t even laugh about this. Everything hurts. I’m going home.”

Vending Machine Challenge Final Results [PDF]
Vending Machine Challenge Contract [PDF]
Vending Machine Contents/Calories/Etc [PDF]
1. Matt says: "Technically I think I'm still licensed, just certifying that I'm not practicing. Not like I've been disbarred or anything."

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Does Your Next Food Eating Challenge Involve Binge Drinking Herbalife's Formula 1 Nutrition Shake?

As many of you know, around these parts we are constantly debating the merits of various financial services employees' food eating challenges. Historically, we've detracted points for allowing the participants far too much time to complete the task at hand (opening bell to close, might as well just make it limitless), an insufficient volume of food (a box of Munchkins, considered by many to be a snack), and lack of originality (vending machine challenges have been done). On the flip side, we've applauded creativity (an investment banker and 500 Starburst enter a room and there's a webcam involved),* obscene amounts of food and enough sugar to cause hyperglycemia (244 oysters, a cupcake of death), and topicality (the delicacy that is the Sausage Pancake Bite: yes! Double Downs: double yes!). Which brings us to this: the Herbalife Food Eating Challenge. New York Observer reporter Patrick Clark noticed that while the Herbalife story has been covered by many an angle so far (the blood-sucking pyramid scheme angle, the grandma angle, the Dan Loeb/UWS hedge fund manager on UWS hedge fund manager angle), the most important angle of all had yet to be explored: the actual ingesting of this stuff angle.

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