Back in February, Bloomberg ran a deeply distressing story about financial services employees whose lives had been turned upside down as a result of bonuses being slashed last year. There was a guy who who was forced to sell two motorcycles in order to keep his labradoodle and bichon frise in the $17,000/year lifestyle they'd grown accustomed to. Another had to turn down an offer to attend a wet tee-shirt contest in New Orleans. One man had to start shopping at Fairway and buying discounted salmon. All harrowing, to be sure, though none could quite compare to the story of Andrew Schiff, whose situation we wouldn't wish on our worst enemy. Schiff had almost too many woes to mention but they included having to scale back his Connecticut summer house rental from four months to one; the pressures of paying private school tuition for two kids; traffic (“Schiff was sitting in a traffic jam in California this month after giving a speech at an investment conference about gold. He turned off the satellite radio, got out of the car and screamed a profanity. ‘I’m not Zen at all, and when I’m freaking out about the situation, where I’m stuck like a rat in a trap on a highway with no way to get out, it’s very hard,’ he said”); and living in a smaller Brooklyn duplex than he wanted. "I'm crammed into 1,200 square feet," he told Bloomberg. "I don't have a dishwasher. We do all our dishes by hand. [I want] 1,800 square feet...three bedrooms, maybe four." But what we want and what we can have are often two very different things, and when one is hovering around the poverty line, it's difficult to imagine a way out of cramped quarters and washing the dishes in a sink, like some kind of hobo. Sometimes, though? Miracles happen. The director of marketing for broker-dealer Euro Pacific Capital Inc. has purchased a condo at 35 Woodhull Street in nearby Carroll Gardens for $1.23 million, according to city records...Besides more space, the four-bedroom, three-bath condo has “a huge private terrace off the master bedroom” and “jaw dropping views of Manhattan and the harbor.” There are 10-foot ceilings, “rich walnut wood floors,” and built-in speakers with an iPod deck, according to the listing. But what of the kitchen? Well, as Mr. Schiff and Ms. Barnes relax to the lulling whir and gurgle of their new dishwasher[!!!], they can gaze with pleasure at the stone counters, glass-tiled backsplash, Shaker cabinets, Liebherr and Bosch appliances and a Bertazzoni range. Lest anyone get too excited, though, Schiff would like to make it clear that the new digs are far from luxurious and actually quite similar to tenement house-living, pointing out to the Observer that the condo is "a walk up...about 50 yards west of the BQE." Andrew Schiff Finally Buys Own Brooklyn Apartment on Measly $350,000 Salary [NYO] Earlier: Nightmare On Wall Street

Have you ever wanted to bring the same methodical organization and analytical rigor to your dating life that you bring to your work product? Did you think to yourself, "Excel, of course," and proceed to create a spreadsheet that included not simply the names, phone numbers, and photos of the people you were either in the early stages of or attempting to date but the last time you "communicated," the last time (if ever) you saw each other, and your initial thoughts on said person? A document that did not allow you to input a number in the "age" column but choose one from a drop-down list (18-30), just as it constrained you from entering a value of less than 7.0 in the "appearance" field, lest you attempt to veer off course with someone underage, old, or not up to an acceptable level of hotness? Did you tell a person included in said document about its existence and did you proceed to send it to her? At least one financial services professional feels you. From: [redacted] Date: Sat, Apr 7, 2012 at 12:16 AM Subject: spreadsheet... Well...this could be a mistake, but what the hell. I thought about deleting the names, but figured I might as will give you the whole thing. I only deleted the non-match people's names (at the bottom) since some I've known for a long time. I hope this e-mail doesn't backfire, because I really had a great time and hope to hang again soon :). However, I will keep my word! Have a great weekend! Prospects Spreadsheet [PDF]