Now that the Apollo and Metropolous & Co. have officially bought the Twinkie—in an auction that drew precisely one bid, theirs—the private equity firms have figured out how to turn around a company that other private equity firms couldn't/ran into the ground.
First, they're not going to rehire everyone. Second, they're going to outsource distribution. Lastly, and most importantly, they're going to hire Zach Galifianakis or Will Ferrell.
Evan Metropoulos, part of a team that is offering $410 million to buy the Hostess brands out of bankruptcy, told Bankruptcy Beat Tuesday afternoon that the “Hangover” star—a fellow “Greek guy” and friend—and the reality-television show cast are on the list of famous faces who may be in line to sell Twinkies to a new generation of snackers.
“We have a million A-list celebrities and athletes and so forth that are dying to be associated with the Hostess brands like Twinkies,” said Metropoulos, whose family owns Pabst Brewing Co. “We are going to be pulling out a couple fabulous names.”
He hinted at the possibility of a quirky, viral ad campaign along the lines of what Will Ferrell did for Old Milwaukee beer, which Pabst owns.
Not convinced that'll turn things around? Perhaps you'd like a bite of this potential atrocity:
“As the years go by, we may evaluate opportunities to come out with some different versions of these products and baked goods that are more health-conscious.”
That means you could—we repeat, could—one day see low-fat Twinkies. Or whole-wheat Twinkies. Or low-carb Twinkies. Or organic Twinkies.
Forget a Hangover; New Twinkies Owner Is on a Sugar Rush [WSJ Bankruptcy Beat blog]
Winners Emerge in Twinkies Auction [WSJ]
Apollo, Metropolous Win Majority of Hostess Snack-Cakes [Bloomberg]