$$$ Foreclosure Settlement Amounts to Peanuts for Most Borrowers [AB] $$$ FBI probes trading as KPMG quits as Herbalife, Skechers auditor [Reuters] $$$ Big Dell Shareholder Prefers Two Rival Bids [DealBook] $$$ Ackman may be eyeing exit as JC Penney bet in tatters [Reuters] $$$ The leverage story banks want to hide [FT] $$$ DirecTV Adds DogTV Channel to Appeal to Canine Audience [Bloomberg] $$$ Regulators Are Concerned About Municipal-Bond Deals [WSJ] $$$ Activist Investors Find Allies in Mutual, Pension Funds [CNBC] $$$ Pimco's Gross Turns Positive on 10-Year Treasurys [WSJ] $$$ Swap traders’ morning fix under scrutiny [FT] $$$ Former Vice Mayor of Tennessee Town Accused of Terrorizing Dozens of Women with ‘Drive-By Masturbation’ [Gawker]

$$$ Fed Extends Twist, Signals Concerns [WSJ] $$$ Reasons to be sad about the Fed [Tim Duy] $$$ Berlusconi Casts Doubt on Austerity Plan [WSJ] $$$ Rompuy Blueprint Said To Include Options On Debt, Bank Oversight [Bloomberg] $$$ Standstills in Change of Control Transactions [HLS] $$$ With all words from Greek, Roman, Norse, etc. myths already taken, Peter Thiel named a fund after a metal from The Lord of the Rings [DI] $$$ A leading New York hedge fund is looking for a general counsel - could it be you? [DBCC] $$$ Regulators Back Off Tougher Curbs on Oil [WSJ] $$$ Ex-Orioles player Eddie Murray is part of insider trading inquiry [Reuters] $$$ The Mormon Madoff: How Shawn Merriman Scammed Millions $$$ NYSE CEO: Public Has Lost Trust inMarket [WSJ] $$$ Madam still stuck at Rikers [NYP]

$$$ U.S. Banks See Strong Profit [WSJ] $$$ U.S. court says Argentina does not need to make $250 mln deposit [Reuters] $$$ Former Goldman Director Gupta to Stay Free Pending His Appeal [DealBook] $$$ Banks book record profits off Fannie and Freddie [Term Sheet, related] $$$ "The online brokerage of Bank of America Merrill Lynch rolled out something it is calling Face Retirement. ... Here’s how it works: It’s a website that takes your current image, using a web cam, and makes you old and decrepit — the kind of person who will need some cash socked away." [Deal Journal] $$$ "Prosecutors said there is no such thing as a $500 million Federal Reserve note" [UPI] $$$ The CME is looking for an executive director for equity index products [DBCC] $$$ Corporate bond "turnover has not collapsed 80 percent in the same way as dealer inventory, and in fact daily volumes are on a par with where they were in 2007." [Bond Vigilantes] $$$ CME Deliverable ‘Swap Futures’ See Comfortable Debut [MarketBeat] $$$ High Rollers Are Still Big Losers 18 Months After Online Poker's "Black Friday" [BuzzFeed, also MR: "Even if some of these sites were fraudulent, one wonders if the players would not have better off without government 'protection.'"] $$$ The "gentleman groper" is a lawyer, not a banker [ATL, earlier] $$$ "Can a dog be trained to drive a car? New Zealand's Society for the Prevention of Cruelty to Animals proved it could be done." [CBS, video!!!]

$$$ "UBS AG, Switzerland’s biggest bank, fired its head of credit-default swaps index trading, David Gallers, last week, with no plan to fill the position, according to two people familiar with the matter. Instead, the bank replaced Gallers with computer algorithms that trade using mathematical models." [Bloomberg] $$$ Morgan Stanley should not boost bond trading: analyst [Reuters] $$$ Sheila Bair has a crazy plan for Congressional pay-for-performance [Fortune] $$$ Goldman Research Implies Big Obama Electoral Win [Deal Journal] $$$ “One of the most striking differences between U.S. presidents is how they choose to stock the White House bar.” [TMN via The Hairpin] $$$ A premium bank is looking for an analyst or associate candidate for the Corporate Strategies group within the investment banking division in New York[DBCC] $$$ Recycled legal claims make banks look like victims [Breakingviews] $$$ Citigroup Discloses Libor Inquiry in Singapore [WSJ] $$$ “Some genius paired 50 Cent's In Da Club with a video put out by the Jehovah's Witnesses to encourage deaf people not to masturbate” [Kottke] $$$ Defendant In Murder Trial Who Wanted To Get Back To His Cell In Time For Monday Night Football: “I Did it, So What?” [Deadspin]

$$$ Facebook Earnings Beat; Profit Margin Falls Sharply [CNBC] $$$ U.S. Economy Unexpectedly Contracts in Fourth Quarter [WSJ] $$$ Is Renaissance Technologies Falling off the Mark? [II Alpha] $$$ Draghi Bank of Italy Knew of Monte Paschi Missteps in ’10 [Bloomberg] $$$ New BlackBerry won't have BrickBreaker [DealBook] $$$ Deutsche Bank is looking for a sales officer for trade finance solutions in New York [DBCC] $$$ Venezuela's bonds have had a 14.7% annual return [Bloomberg] $$$ Goldman Sachs braces for bond market blow up [Fortune] $$$ Treasury Posts Losses on TARP Auctions [WSJ] $$$ "What is the problem with Internet trolls? Why do people dislike them so much? Is it just an example of following-the-herd mentality? Some kind of deeper prejudice? A love of bridges? What is the source of this animosity? Why does it perpetuate itself? Where did this prejudice come from?" [The Awl]

$$$ Cliff Asness: The Hidden Tax Behind Wall Street Reform [WSJ] $$$ Banks’ Debt Addiction Said to Face Scrutiny at Basel Group [Bloomberg] $$$ Citigroup Joins Roster of Banks Advising Dell Buyout [Deal Journal] $$$ Bloomberg: still really into the $83bn TBTF subsidy [Bloomberg, earlier, etc.] $$$ Ms. White got a warmer welcome from some members of the panel, which is set to vote on her nomination before it moves to the full Senate. "The more I find out about you, the more I like you," said Sen. Tom Coburn (R., Okla.), adding that he had already decided to support her nomination. Sen. Charles Schumer (D., N.Y.), introducing Ms. White at the beginning of the hearing, described the lighter side of a woman known mostly for locking up terrorists and mobsters. He told the packed hearing room that Ms. White served as chairman of the American Society for the Prevention of Cruelty to Animals, likes to "crack open a cold can of Bud" and was effective on the basketball court as a member of a New York women's basketball league. [WSJ] $$$ A sinkhole swallowed a golfer on the 14th fairway [DM] $$$ A resource focused boutique investment bank is looking for an associate in New York [DBCC] $$$ An Asset Manager’s Guide to Swap Trading in the New Regulatory World [DPW] $$$ SEC asked Goldman to disclose more about illiquid assets - filings [Reuters] $$$ Funds pick Credit Suisse over UBS on revamp risks [Reuters] $$$ "There is nothing funny about these photos, in which Mitt Romney celebrates his 66th birthday by eating fluffernutter cupcakes and wearing a stupid birthday hat." [DI] $$$ 'Wolf of Wall Street' Gets $1M Pay Day for Movie Rights [FBN]

$$$ Bank Earnings: J.P. Morgan and Wells Fargo Preview [Deal Journal] $$$ JPMorgan Analysts Say Big Investment Banks Are ‘Uninvestable’ [Bloomberg] $$$ The state of investment banking today: Morgan Stanley’s definitive guide [eFC] $$$ To trade or not to trade, when the Fed sends you inside info [Reuters] $$$ How Do You Run Goldman Sachs Out of Town? [DI] $$$ The Winklevii have a lot of bitcoins [DealBook] $$$ Top Bankers Agree with Obama: Recovery Coming [FBN] $$$ Lisbon struggles to avoid second bailout [FT] $$$ Singer Denial Failing to Quell Win-Win Charge: Argentina Credit [Bloomberg] $$$ A New Look at the Role of Sovereign Credit Default Swaps [IMF] $$$ UBS cap intro chief Rob Sachs jumps to Bank of America [HFI] $$$ Man Tries to Saw Off His Arms at California Home Depot [ABC]

$$$ Plaintiffs' lawyers somehow turn nonbinding "say on pay" votes into shakedown opportunity [Reuters, related] $$$ How a desperate HP suspended disbelief for Autonomy deal [Reuters] $$$ Virtu, Getco Start Examining Knight Trading’s Books [Deal Journal] $$$ Carl Icahn and the Oshkosh board are still fighting [WSJ] $$$ National Bank of Poland Working Paper: "Would it have paid to be in the eurozone?" (Spoiler: no) [NBP] $$$ John Cochrane and Cliff Asness critique Warren Buffett on taxes [Grumpy Economist] $$$ Somebody's using bitcoins [BBW] $$$ A financial institution is looking for a risk manager in Charlotte [DBCC] $$$ Detroit on the Verge of Insolvency, Again [WSJ] $$$ Duke Energy’s Latest C.E.O. Drama [DealBook] $$$ Goldman Pushes Subprime ABX Index as Housing Rebounds [Bloomberg] $$$ BlackRock, Rialto Dump Some of Their ‘Skin’ in CMBS Game [MarketBeat] $$$ Lindsay Lohan Gets Unsolicited Legal Advice from Manhattan Madam Kristin Davis [NYO]