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Bill Ackman To Get JCPenney Ticker Symbol Tattooed To His Ass, Or Something

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That or he's going to burn all his clothes and replace them exclusively with items exclusively purchased at the retailer, or hell, just move into the place. Whatever it takes to show he's more committed to this place than ever.

Two days after J.C. Penney's board of directors ousted Ron Johnson from the chief executive role, hedge fund manager and board member Bill Ackman has broken his silence to say he's sticking by the beleaguered department store retailer, according to a report. "We're not going anywhere," Ackman told "Women's Wear Daily" in his first public comments about the retailer since Johnson was fired. "In fact, we're going the other direction. We're digging in."



Bill Ackman Does Not Act, Bill Ackman Feels Deeply (And Does Not Appreciate The Insinuation Otherwise, THANK YOU VERY MUCH)

As we have discussed at length, when it comes to the art of regulating one's emotions while investing, there are two models to choose from: The Dead Inside paradigm, wherein you remain calm, cool, and collected, maintaining the same expression on your face whether you've lost $1 billion on one trade or made three times that much on another; and The Bill Ackman. The mega-successful Pershing Square founder imbues emotion in everything he does, particularly when it comes to his job. As a man who wears his heart on his sleeve, in the past Ackman has been known to: cry at shareholder meetings; get extremely heated to the point of his face becoming "flushed," his eyes "misty" when meeting with SEC investigators; pen "long, emotional, late-night missives" to top SEC brass; and erupt on directors of companies with such passion that his "furious outburst" could be "heard in an outside hallway." As there are few on Wall Street who exhibit such raw emotion while conducting business, and there is a propensity by some to employ tactics that will put them in the power position when facing foes, perhaps it should not come as too much of a shock that recently, a reporter asked Ackman whether or not the waterworks or displays of indignation are pre-planned, in front of a mirror. For those who've long known Ackman has more integrity in one salty tear than most have in their entire body, his answer will not come as a shock, but to set the record straight, for anyone holding out hope of seeing him do a little regional theater at some point in the future:

Bill Ackman Has Needs

And they include an Olympic size pool and tennis court on top of his office.

Hold Bill Ackman's Calls

The hedge fund manager is having A DAY.