Sit Your Ass Down And Hold The Garlic: Charlie Gasparino Is Cooking Here

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Back in January, we made an open pitch to any and all TV networks for a cooking show staring Fox Business reporter Charlie Gasparino, called Charles in Charge (Of Dinner). Despite having all the trappings of a surefire hit-- including a pretty damn catchy theme song1-- nearly three months later and we've seen nary a bite.

It strikes us now that the Food Network brass and other TV execs may have hesitated to jump on this out of skepticism that Charlie can cook. "Sure," they probably said to themselves. "CG is a snappy dresser and knows how to eat but what does he know about the culinary arts?" A lot, apparently, as evidenced by a recent interview with the Times in which he demonstrates his deft understanding of what makes a great meatball.

“Listen, I think you need good Italian bread. And you need breadcrumbs. And I think you put a little onion in it. And if you really want to kick it up, put milk, whole milk, with the bread, to soften the bread up. And here’s the thing: don’t overseason. People mess it up — I’ve noticed this with non-Italians making meatballs: too much oregano, way too much salt, and too much garlic. Those three things. Italian is, like, less. Italians from Italy use very little garlic.”

Any more questions?

A Reporter Eats and Drinks the News [Diner's Journal]

1. Lyrics:

There’s a new chef in the neighborhood
Breaks business news and it’s understood.
He makes prosciutto and salami
Like he’s the boss of your fam-il-ee-ee

Charles in charge
of cannolis and biceps
Charles in charge
of biscotti, and triceps

When I eat, I want,
When I cook, I want
When I lift, I want
I want Charles in Charge of me.

Related

Cigars 'n' Such: The Secrets To Charlie Gasparino's Success

Some people are such founts of generosity that on their birthday, they think not of themselves and what they will receive, but rather of how they can brighten the days of others. Charles Gasparino is one such selfless, gallant human being. On this special day, January 28th, the 50th anniversary of his entrance into the world, Mr. Gasparino has chosen to present us with a priceless gift: the secrets of his success. Print them out, mark them up, use them to advance your own cause, or simply give thanks to the god of journalism for his magnanimous spirit.