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Write-Offs: 04.02.13

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$$$Hedge Funds Have a Brutal Quarter, but Loeb Stands Out [CNBC]

$$$Half of Hedge Funds Think Their Competitors Are Cheating [Deal Journal]

$$$ Things are pretty good at Fannie Mae [Counterparties / Ben Walsh]

$$$Pope to review Vatican bureaucracy, scandal-ridden bank [Reuters]

$$$Tesla's New Buyback Scheme—A Lease With Tax Arbitrage [Slate / Matt Yglesias]

$$$Notorious B.I.G.’s Childhood Apartment in Brooklyn Selling for $725,000 [DI]

$$$Chesapeake ex-CEO McClendon to be deposed in bond dispute [Reuters]

$$$Barclays PB head jumps to Millennium [AR]

$$$BBA to Delay Publishing Libor Submissions of Individual Banks [Bloomberg]

$$$SAC's Steinberg seeks new judge for insider trading case [Reuters]

$$$SEC's new social media policy falls short [Fortune / Dan Primack]

$$$‘Romance Pants’ Dim the Lights and Turn Up the Stereo When Unzipped [BetaBeat]

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$$$ Greek left attacks ‘barbarous’ austerity [FT] $$$ Facebook Facebook Facebook Facebook [WSJ/FT/CNBC/Reuters] $$$ Freddie Mac Chooses CEO [WSJ] $$$ After McClendon's trades, Chesapeake board gave blessing [Reuters] $$$ Tim Sykes is still doing things [BetaBeat, earlier] $$$ "A bank robbery, in our imagination, provides the robber with a one-off high-risk opportunity to become incredibly wealthy, in comparatively guilt-free fashion: No one but the corporation loses any money, so, what the fuck? That used to be the case, but due to inflation — as well as a host of other factors — it no longer is." [The Billfold] $$$ CIBC Global Asset Management is looking for a high yield VP in Toronto [DBCC] $$$ House Republicans are complaining that the Fed is helping the economy too much, causing House Republicans not to want to help the economy [Real Time Economics] $$$ Could a Stock ETF Cloak Its Portfolio? [WSJ] $$$ Green Mountain Chairman Replaced After Stock Sales [WSJ] $$$ Nomura is growing headcount [Bloomberg] $$$ “It lived alongside our ancestors, and it probably ate them,” said Christopher Brochu, an associate professor of geoscience at the University of Iowa and a study author. “We don’t actually have fossil human remains with croc bites, but the crocs were bigger than today’s crocodiles, and we were smaller, so there probably wasn’t much biting involved.” [Bloomberg]

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$$$ J.C. Penney Ousts Ron Johnson, Rehires Myron Ullman [WSJ] $$$ Capital markets: Is Citi the new golden child of Wall Street? [Euromoney] $$$ White Confirmed as SEC Chairman [WSJ] $$$ A.I.G. Seeks to Bar Greenberg From Suing U.S. on Its Behalf [DealBook] $$$ David Stockman's dystopia [Fortune] $$$ Wrestling’s Private Equity Champion [DealBook] $$$ Google Glass Already Being Banned from Strip Clubs [BetaBeat] $$$ The Fine Line Between Political Intelligence and Insider Trading [DealBook] $$$ Hedge Funds Wagering on Fannie Reincarnation [Bloomberg] $$$ As Deadline Looms, Few Companies Sign Up to Trade Swaps [WSJ] $$$ Costs of derivatives clearing stack up for buy-side [Reuters] $$$ Volcker: Central banks are too aggressive [CNN] $$$ Market Crash Likelihood Goes Up If Stocks Continue to Rally: Marc Faber [CNBC] $$$ Science proves women like men with bigger penises [NBC]

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$$$ Cyprus Rejects Deposit Levy in Blow to European Bailout Plan [Bloomberg] $$$ Cyprus’s bad haircut day [Felix Salmon] $$$ Matt Yglesias's proposals for Cyprus include selling Northern Cyprus to Turkey and Ben Bernanke giving it a €5.8bn present [Slate] $$$ Florida Financier Charged in Facebook IPO Fraud [WSJ] $$$ Credit Suisse sacks around 12 from NY rates team [Reuters] $$$ Goldman Sachs’s Scialla Twins Leave for Home-Design Firm [Bloomberg] $$$ RBC is looking for a research associate to cover medical devices healthcare companies in New York [DBCC] $$$ Activist Fights Draw More Attention [WSJ] $$$ Ackman’s J.C. Penney Losses Signal Buyout Need [Bloomberg] $$$ NFL Teams With Private-Equity Firm to Seek Media, Tech Investments [WSJ] $$$ U.S. Probes Microsoft, Partners Over Bribery Claims [WSJ] $$$ Bigamist attorney, who secretly wed a stripper and got caught, suspended six months [NYDN]