$$$ Ex-UBS Traders Offered Deal by U.S. in Rate Probe [WSJ] $$$ The history of the invention of Libor [Reuters] $$$ British MPs accuse US of anti-City agenda [FT] $$$ Why investors should avoid hedge funds [Reuters / Felix Salmon] $$$ "Brazilian central bank employees staged their first work stoppage in five years today ... demanding an average pay increase of 23 percent to compensate for inflation since June 2008." [Bloomberg via Slate] $$$ Pole Vaulter Realizes It’s Not His Day As His Pole Shatters Mid-Vault [Deadspin] $$$ J.P. Morgan is looking for a Java developer to work on interest rates derivatives pricing [DBCC] $$$ Carbon Credits Gone Awry Raise Output of Harmful Gas [NYT] $$$ "I propose an expanded system of company registration under which companies would have to trade in private markets for a seasoning period, with mandatory disclosure, before they would be allowed to sell their shares to the public at large." [Harvard Law] $$$ On retail vs. institutional investors: "As for small investors vs. little guys, there’s a difference. If you have enough money that you’re investing it through brokers, I personally don’t count you as small, even if you appear small to Goldman Sachs." [Mathbabe] $$$ A Hundred Horses Are Ford’s Pride After Flipping Tainted Banks is really a Bloomberg headline [Bloomberg] $$$ Beck's next album will be released only as sheet music [McSweeney's]

$$$ "UBS AG, Switzerland’s biggest bank, fired its head of credit-default swaps index trading, David Gallers, last week, with no plan to fill the position, according to two people familiar with the matter. Instead, the bank replaced Gallers with computer algorithms that trade using mathematical models." [Bloomberg] $$$ Morgan Stanley should not boost bond trading: analyst [Reuters] $$$ Sheila Bair has a crazy plan for Congressional pay-for-performance [Fortune] $$$ Goldman Research Implies Big Obama Electoral Win [Deal Journal] $$$ “One of the most striking differences between U.S. presidents is how they choose to stock the White House bar.” [TMN via The Hairpin] $$$ A premium bank is looking for an analyst or associate candidate for the Corporate Strategies group within the investment banking division in New York[DBCC] $$$ Recycled legal claims make banks look like victims [Breakingviews] $$$ Citigroup Discloses Libor Inquiry in Singapore [WSJ] $$$ “Some genius paired 50 Cent's In Da Club with a video put out by the Jehovah's Witnesses to encourage deaf people not to masturbate” [Kottke] $$$ Defendant In Murder Trial Who Wanted To Get Back To His Cell In Time For Monday Night Football: “I Did it, So What?” [Deadspin]

$$$ Schaeuble Declares Markets Wrong As Europe Heads To Vacation [Bloomberg] $$$ Don't Force Banks Into 'Draconian' Breakups: Whitney [CNBC] $$$ Morgan Stanley Stock May Be Worth $32 In Breakup, Mayo Says [Bloomberg] $$$ The Merkley plan to refinance underwater mortgages sounds pretty good [Reuters / Felix Salmon] $$$ Outspoken Analyst Kinnucan Pleads Guilty in Insider Case [WSJ] $$$ Man who rescued a 17-pound lobster "felt the nearly 100-year-old crustacean did not deserve to die with its parts soaked in butter. 'If he was 100, he saw World War I, World War II, man on the moon,' he said. 'Being in New England, he even saw the Red Sox win the World Series. So, he didn’t deserve the boiling water.'" [CBS] $$$ Due to recent regulatory requirements, a top bank in Charlotte is looking for a counterparty credit risk manager to be a Basel expert [DBCC] $$$ Libor scandal makes it more costly for bankers to get insured [Reuters] $$$ Europe Aims to Make Rate Manipulation a Criminal Offense [DealBook] $$$ Fund managers to lose securities lending profits [FT] $$$ The Securities and Exchange Commission drew sharp criticism from a federal judge who said they have failed to properly oversee a $55 million investor education fund created by a nearly decade-old settlement with Wall Street banks. The fund had been created as part of a roughly $1.5 billion regulatory accord in 2003 with Citigroup Inc, Goldman Sachs Group Inc, JPMorgan Chase & Co and other banks accused of publishing biased analyst research. U.S. District Judge William Pauley in Manhattan said the SEC has shown a "lack of oversight" and "indifference" toward how a nonprofit organization charged with distributing the money has been managed. ... Pauley pointed as an example to a two-year, $91,500 grant to the Genesee District Library in Flint, Michigan, that appeared to have resulted in just two events, one of which concerned "spending, sharing, and saving" for children ages two to five. "While there may be benefits to starting investor education early, toddlers seem beyond the pale," the judge wrote in an order issued Wednesday. [Reuters] $$$ Mitt Romney would restore 'Anglo-Saxon' relations between Britain and America [Telegraph]

$$$ Volcker Rule Delay and Simplification Gains Support in Congress [Bloomberg] $$$ Fed Official Signals Guidance on 'Volcker Rule' [WSJ] $$$ UBS hires dealmaker Orcel [FT] $$$ Credit Suisse Names Sole Head of Investment Banking [DealBook] $$$ Drake's new music video will feature a re-enactment of his bar mitzvah [Miami Herald] $$$ AIG Repays $1.5 Billion, a Year Ahead of Schedule [CNBC] $$$ Student-Loan Debt Tops $1 Trillion [WSJ] $$$ Allen Stanford’s Twitter Complaint Fails to Win Retrial [Bloomberg] $$$ "[E]mail has to be replaced with a new protocol. This new protocol should be a todo list protocol, not a messaging protocol, although there is a degenerate case where what someone wants you to do is: read the following text." [Paul Graham] $$$ Bid-ask spreads will getcha [Economix]

$$$ Fed Seen Starting QE3 While Extending Rate Pledge to 2015 [Bloomberg] $$$ There's a new iPhone [NYT] $$$ EADS and BAE in tie-up talks [FT] $$$ Investors Ready for Wave of European Corporate Bonds [WSJ] $$$ Valiant Capital founder Chris Hansen is offering to buy a beer for everyone in Seattle [AR] $$$ JFK airport workers were arrested for stealing "tens of thousands of mini-bottles of liquor and duty-free merchandise from JFK International Airport" after an investigation called "Operation Last Call" [Fox] $$$ BlackRock's Beta Strategies team is looking for a portfolio manager [DBCC] $$$ J.P. Morgan Reorganizes Investment Banking [WSJ] $$$ Barclays Picks New Head of U.S. Rates Trading [WSJ] $$$ From Credit Suisse to Jerky: One Man's Dried Beef Odyssey [BW] $$$ Everyone involved in the Harvard cheating scandal is suing everybody else [IvyGate] $$$ "Police in Florida said a man using a credit card to buy beer was arrested after the bartender recognized the credit card as his own." [UPI]

$$$ Stocks Near New Heights as Small Investors Regain Faith [NYT] $$$ J.P. Morgan Risk Officer Taking Leave of Absence [WSJ] $$$ Soros Says Hedge Funds Can’t Beat Market Because of Fees [Bloomberg] $$$ UBS Chairman proposes industry-wide settlement over Libor [Reuters] $$$ "One explanation for the confusion is that many things that are considered normal in finance look like fraud to almost everyone else." [Free Exchange] $$$ Outcry Over Bid to Make Water Cheaper Than Beer [WSJ] $$$ An investment management firm is looking for a senior investment associate to research credit hedge funds in D.C. [DBCC] $$$ Europe's Banks Rush to Repay ECB Funds [WSJ] $$$ U.S. Court Ruling Threatens Consumer Bureau Decisions [Bloomberg] $$$ Italy's Monte Paschi faces shareholder fury as scandal widens [Reuters] $$$ You may be surprised to learn that "the president and chairman of Mortgage Xpress, Inc. (subsequently renamed The Alternative Energy Technology Center, Inc.)" was sued by the SEC [SEC] $$$ Cory Booker Continues His Steady March Toward Canonization by Personally Saving a Stranded Dog from Freezing to Death [Gawker]

$$$ The ECB's unlimited bond buying may be limited to already outstanding bonds [FTAV] $$$ Fed Officials Weigh In On Central Bank's Action [WSJ] $$$ Fannie Mae Pays Banks $1.5 Billion So It Can Fire Them [HuffPo] $$$ Terrorists may or may not have slowed down Bank of America's website [Reuters] $$$ Pimco’s QE3 Distaste Grows as Peso Bond Bet Fades: Mexico Credit [Bloomberg] $$$ Fake Bloomberg Headlines [Twitter] $$$ TIAA-CREF is looking for a manager for asset allocation and investments in New York [DBCC] $$$ Court allows Greenberg suit to proceed over AIG bailout [Reuters] $$$ Lehman Sues J.P. Morgan Over Derivatives Claims [WSJ] $$$ The new mortgage-backed security in a renter's world [Fortune] $$$ Alibaba Completes $7.6 Billion Repurchase of Yahoo Stake [Bloomberg] $$$ Is This Guy A Member Of Maroon 5? [BF]

$$$ Treasury nominee wins over critics, says tax reform top priority [Reuters] $$$ Meet the Morgan Stanley C.F.O. Candidates [DealBook] $$$ Has a Restructuring Credit Event occurred with respect to SNS Bank NV? [ISDA, also FTAV] $$$ "Mr. Grantham, chairman of Boston-based GMO LLC, a global investment management firm, was not arrested, but his daughter, Isabel, was one of 48 protesters arrested for handcuffing themselves to the White House fence ..." [P&I Daily] $$$ Dogs! [NYT] $$$ A leading software company in New York is looking for a Senior Vice President; Equity Financial Engineer [DBCC] $$$ Best Buy Founder Schulze Considers Alternatives to Buyout Plan [WSJ] $$$ SEC to roll out ‘Robocop’ against fraud [FT] $$$ Underwater and Drowning? Some Facts about Mortgages that Could Be Targeted by Eminent Domain [Liberty Street / NY Fed] $$$ "[S]tudents in Fröhlich’s "Intermediate Programming", "Computer Science Fundamentals," and "Introduction to Programming for Scientists and Engineers" classes ... collectively planned to boycott the final. Because they all did, a zero was the highest score in each of the three classes, which, by the rules of Fröhlich’s curve, meant every student received an A." [Inside Higher Ed via Catherine Rampell]