How Well Do You Know Cliff Asness? Dealbreaker Trivia: Home Edition (UPDATE)

Update: And our winner, with 23 points out of a possible 38, is Long Time, who should get in touch to claim his or her prize!
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It's a Friday, it's a Friday before a holiday weekend, it's a Friday before a holiday weekend and the day after Dealbreaker Trivia. If you were expecting much from us, our condolences! Still, we're not totally without compassion for those of you who've got some time to kill before being unchained from your desks and granted temporary freedom. Presumably you were thinking the best way to while away the hours would be to test your Dealbreaker knowledge and lucky for you, we were thinking the same thing. While the following will not be a helpful waste of time for the Friends of DB who attended last night,* know that we hold you slightly closer in our hearts than the mere Aquaintances of DB who did not.

For the chance to win an 'I heart Dealbreaker' button, please determine the answers to the abridged version of last night's no holds barred compeition, and submit them here. If you're going to violate the honors system and Google the answers, just think about the shame that will follow you throughout Memorial Day weekend and beyond, perhaps all the way to Labor Day weekend and possibly for the rest of your life. Please begin.

1. Hedge fund manager Clifford Asness has a tattoo of his favorite superhero's weapon somewhere on his body. For one point each: Who is that super hero, and on what part of Cliff's body will you find it?

2. Which of the following is NOT one of Ray Dalio's Principles:

(a) Never say anything about a person you wouldn’t say to them directly, and don’t try people without accusing them to their face. Badmouthing people behind their backs shows a serious lack of integrity and is counterproductive. It doesn’t yield any beneficial change, and it subverts both the people you are badmouthing and the environment as a whole. Next to being dishonest, it is the worst thing you can do at Bridgewater. Criticism is both welcomed and encouraged at Bridgewater, so there is no good reason to talk behind people’s backs. You need to follow this policy to an extreme degree. For example, managers should not talk about people who work for them without those people being in the room. If you talk behind people’s backs at Bridgewater you are called a slimy weasel.

(b) Consider your own and others’ “believabilities.” By believability, I mean the probability that a person’s view will be right. While we can never know this precisely, we can roughly assess it according to the quality of a person’s reasoning and their track record. Of course, different people will have different views of their own and other’s believability, which is fine. Just recognize that this is a reality that is relevant in a number of ways. Ask, “Why should I believe you?” and “Why should I believe myself?”

(c) Fear the underdog, or you’ll be nothing. Once a week, for 35 minutes, put yourself in the skates of the goalie for the 1980 Soviet ice hockey team as he prepared for the semi-final game against the United States. What’s going through your head as you prepare to face an inferior opponent? Are you letting your mind wander, already dreaming of the gold when you’re not even in the finals yet? Then you've already lost.

(d) Force yourself and the people who work for you to do difficult things. It’s usually easy to make things go well if you’re willing to do difficult things. We must act as trainers in gyms act in order to keep each other fit. That’s what’s required to produce the excellence that benefits everyone. It is a law of nature that you must do difficult things to gain strength and power. As with working out, after a while you make the connection between doing difficult things and the benefits you get from doing them, and you come to look forward to doing these difficult things.

3. What talk show did Steve Cohen appear on with his second wife to discuss his first?

(a) Sally Jesse Raphael

(b) Geraldo

(c) Cristina

(d) Jerry Springer

(e) Ricky Lake

Bonus: what was the name of that episode?

(a) "He Acts Like Her Husband, Too"

(b) "Two-Timers"

(c) "He Must Think I'm Stupid"

(d) "Sister Wives"

4. Which investment professional did Jim Cramer heartily endorse a few years back, describing him as "one of the greats" in the industry? Bonus: Where will you find that investment professional now?

5. Which hedge fund manager once asked his employees to assemble in a conference room, introduced them to a dwarf he said he'd hired to cover "small-cap" stocks, and then yelled out "April Fool's!"? Bonus: Where will you find that investment professional now?

6. For one point for each blank, fill in the blanks in this passage from a New York Magazine article:

"Holding court in a conference room during her 50th birthday party, Lynn Tilton offered her male employees a choice: They could take a [blank] shot off her [blank] or [blank] [blank] off her [blanks]. “The crazy part was, she saw it as morale building,” says one person present. “People were hiding in the [blank].”

7. How many feet in the air did private equity professional Russel Stildolph launch his car in the air before crashing it into the second story of someone's house and landing on the front porch?

(a) 12 feet.

(b) 18 feet.

(c) 25 feet.

(d) 35 feet.

(e) 39 feet.

(f) 48 feet.

Bonus: What kind of car was he driving?

8. During a tense moment during the fall of 2008, then Morgan Stanley chief John Mack famously told his secretary to relay the following message to then head of the NY Fed, Tim Geithner:

(a) "Tell Geithner to go fuck himself, I'm trying to save my firm."

(b) "Tell Geithner to get fucked, I'm trying to save my firm."

(c) "Tell Geithner to fuck off, I'm trying to save my firm."

(d) "Tell Geithner he can fuck himself, I'm trying to save my firm."

9. As CEO of Citigroup, what type of garden did Vikram Pandit want to build outside his office, which the board refused to approve?

10. Who was bank analyst Dick Bové referring to when he wrote this to clients: "No other banker in this country can equal his achievements and yet every banker wishes he could"?

11. According to one a woman who wrote a book about it, this ex-money manager had a penis that would "fit easily inside the opening of a single-serving honey jar" that sits on a hotel room service breakfast tray? Bonus: Where will you find this investment professional now?

12. Expert network analyst Winifred Jiau made the recipient of her inside information, SAC analyst Noah Freeman, send her a dozen of these things:

(a) Roses

(b) Eggs

(c) Lobsters

(d) Donuts

(e) Shoes

13. Which of the following DVDs was NOT found in Jeffery Gundlach's office the day his former employer, TCW, raided the place?

Weapons of Ass Destruction

Buckets of Cum

Ass Traffic Volume 2

Sloppy Hoes

Squirt In My Gape

The DaVinci Chode

Dr. Fellatio 16

The Bondage Nookie Court

14. Which hedge fund manager offered $5,000 to any employees who agreed to be shocked by a taser, when execs from stun-gun maker Taser International came to the office to make an investment pitch? Bonus: Where will you find that hedge fund manager now?

15. For one point each: Within 3 inches, how tall is Goldman Sachs President Gary Cohen? Within 15 lbs, how much does he weigh? What body part is he known for sticking in people's faces while discussing the markets?

(a) His crotch

(b) His face

(c) His hand

16. At what sporting event did former Lehman Brothers CEO Dick Fuld "get into a physical altercation" with a fan of the opposing team?

(a) A Yankees-Red Sox game.

(b) Wimbeldon

(c) His son's hockey game.

(d) A Lehman Brothers intramural softball game.

17. What did George Soros (allegedly!!) throw at his on again off again girlfriend, Adriana Ferreyr?

18. Which hedge fund manager wrote and self-published a children's book about a woman with a huge ass called "Mrs. Buttkiss and the Big Surprise"?

(a) Carl Icahn

(b) John Arnold

(c) David Shaw

(d) Eric Rosenfeld

(e) Ken Griffin

19. What is the name of Hank Greenberg's beloved pet dog?

(a) Snowball

(b) Snowflake

(c) Snow-Cone

(d) Daddy's Little Princess

20. Which former Wall Street CEO is also an accomplished magician who "hosts a monthly gathering at his apartment for the best magicians in New York and those who happen to be in town"?

21. After her father was unceremoniously fired from Barclays, what body part did his daughter, Nell Diamond, tell British politicians to hold?

22. Who said it?

"Sue never mentions the bulge, which is her loving style, but I know she must be looking every once in a while. I try to do the “blousy” thing when I wear tight golf shirts, but there’s only so much material to go around, so to speak. Swimming also presents a problem because in this case the solution is to pull the waistband up above the navel, which is a sight for even sorer eyes. I never let Sue see my backside, however. Having not seen it myself for 20 years, I’m afraid I might tell her to buy a gun and just shoot me before the fat and the cellulite strike again."

23. How many oysters did Ian "Oyster Boy" Roncoroni, AKA The King of Eating Contests, consume one summer night at Ulysses? How long did it take him to do it?

(a) 60 oysters; 60 minutes

(b) 12 dozen oysters; 8 hours

(c) 150 oysters; 2 hours

(d) 244 oysters; 60 minutes

24. To prepare for his role in Wall Street 2: Money Never Sleeps, Shia LaBeouf made the rounds at various banks and brokerage houses to find out how finance really works. At which firm did he claim "one of the requirements of getting a job takes place in the first five minutes of an interview. They take you out to eat. The minute the menu hits the table, if you can’t order within 30 seconds, you don’t have the job”?

*Shout-out to the winning teams: CDX IG NA Niners (1st), Vicious Animal Liars (2nd), Wildebeastiality (3rd)!