Updated:
Original:

Anthony Scaramucci Has A Solution To The Ugly Broads Working In Midtown Bars Epidemic; Give Him $50K Today And He'll Take Care Of The Rest

Author:

Have you long wished for a place in Midtown where you could order a drink and have it served to you by someone who didn't look like they fell out of the ugly tree and hit every branch on the way down? Someone you could actually see propositioning to take into the back room and giving her the worst two minutes of her life? Well today's your lucky day! SkyBridge founder Anthony "The Mooch" Scaramucci has come up with his best investment idea yet, and if you can give us thirty seconds of your time, we'll show you why the chance to get in at the ground floor of the "The Hunt and Fish Club" is an opportunity you don't want to let pass you by.

    Reason #1: Like the Olive Garden, when you're here, you're family.
  • "Anthony Scaramucci, the investment entrepreneur known as the “Mooch,” is teaming up with a restaurant owner and a former Morgan Stanley executive to open a Manhattan eatery catering to hedge-fund and private-equity professionals..."Isn’t it nice to walk through the doors of a restaurant to be greeted with ‘Mr. Scaramucci, so nice to see you again? Your table is ready for you...Mr. Scaramucci is one of our partners’," the team said in marketing documents to prospective investors. “In short, all of us want to be made to feel special and privileged, particularly in front of our guests, business associates and clients.”"
    Reason #2: The Hunt & Fish Club--no relation to a certain famed mob hangout in Ozone Park; where would you ever get that ideas?--will be a veritable clubhouse for the alts. set sick of boring dumps around GCT.
  • "The group, which includes restaurateur Eytan Sugarman and David Barrett, a 22-year veteran of Morgan Stanley, seeks to raise $4 million for The Hunt and Fish Club, set to open in December. It will have the feel of an elite “clubhouse” and be an alternative to bars and eateries surrounding the Grand Central Terminal in Midtown, which are “not fun” [the group wrote]...Sugarman, who owns New York restaurants Destino and Southern Hospitality BBQ, which counts Justin Timberlake and Scaramucci among its investors, said in a telephone interview that the new restaurant’s name has no connection with the Bergin Hunt and Fish Club, the former hangout in Queens of organized crime boss John Gotti."
    Reason #3: With a clientele whose disposable income is in the huge to huge-ish range, investing in Hunt and Fish will do for you what subprime did for John Paulson.
  • "Investors will get 30 percent of the total equity and will receive 80 percent of all distributions until those payments equal the amount of the initial investment, according to the marketing documents. After that, distributions will be made on a pro-rated basis based on total equity. Investors are expected to recoup their initial investment in two to three years. The Hunt and Fish Club would target young professionals with “high to extremely-high disposable income” and who are patrons of eateries such as Rothmann’s Steakhouse & Grill and Papillon Bistro & Bar."
    Reason #4: Nice juicy steaks served by nice juicy broads.
  • Unlike the other offerings in the area, which have unattractive staff, the team said in its pitch to potential investors, at the Hunt and Fish Club the food won't be the only thing you want to sink your teeth into, if you know what they mean. (What they mean is no fatties, no uggoes.)

Who's interested?

Scaramucci Seeks Money for Manhattan Hedge-Fund Hangout [Bloomberg]

Related

mooch-russia

Get Ready For Ambassador Anthony Scaramucci

As the Mooch ponders a diplomatic life, here are some ideas as to where the Trump administration might send him.

the-mooch

After Long Drought, Anthony Scaramucci Suddenly Inundated With Government Sinecures

The Mooch never stopped believing in President Trump, and now President Trump has come back around to believing in The Mooch.

MoochAnalogy

The WSJ Wants To Remind You Anthony Scaramucci Is The Trump Advisor Who Was Fired By Goldman Sachs

The Journal's report on the Mooch's new job is a weird masterclass on trolling from a very unlikely source.

Tetrick.Scaramucci

If Firing People Is An Art Form, Anthony Scaramucci Should Study The Work Of Hampton Creek's Embattled CEO

Josh Tetrick is pulling off some Lex Luthor type shit and The Mooch should pay heed.