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"One of the Great Ones" Is Getting Out Of Jail, Will Be Available For Financial Consulting Work Come June 16

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That's, right, everyone: while you're celebrating Father's Day this Sunday, take some time to raise a glass to the release of Lenny Dykstra from a California prison, a whopping 21 months early! Obviously Lenny--sentenced to three years for "acting as if he was above the law" by "looting valuables from his $18 million mansion north of Los Angeles and secretly selling them after his bankruptcy filing in 2009," on top of "trying to lease cars using phony business cards and credit information," as well as dropping trou in front of a cleaning lady-- will want to make the most of his newfound freedom, AKA The Summer of Lenny, but he'll probably be also looking to make some cash. As he's presumably no longer employable in the traditional sense, this is where you come in.

Are you looking for an intern or someone to weigh in on investment ideas? Don't forget that before he went to jail, Dykstra was described by Jim Cramer as "one of the greats" in the industry. He could be just they guy* you're looking for! Other skills include washing cars, dangling Twizzlers from his mouth without letting them drop out, and flying private.

Sources: Sunday release expected for jailed Dykstra [Philly]
*We say this assuming he has not been banned from the securities industry. A preliminary Google search says he has not, but how can that possibly be right?


Prosecutors Want Jim Cramer-Endorsed Investor Lenny Dykstra To Do Thirty Months In Jail

They say that's the only way Dykstra* will learn that in our society, you can't rip toilets and other bathroom fixtures out of the floor and sell them to a pawn shops just because you feel like it, or drop trou for the cleaning staff.