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Steve Cohen Will Not Have Animal Cruelty Added To His Rap Sheet (UPDATE!)

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Update (2:45PM, 06/27/13): A little birdy has informed us that there were far fewer avian invaders on site that previously claimed; additionally, they were confined to one employee's walled office, and did not necessitate an early close of the trading floor. Regardless, Cohen's love and respect of all God's winged creatures still stands.
Say what you want about Steve Cohen but underneath the supposedly icy exterior of the misunderstood hedge fund manager beats the heart of a man who, while he may not care for all humans, loves other types animals, furry and feathered alike. That would explain why, instead of simply bringing in team of hired guns to shoot down the flock of birds that made their way into SAC HQs yesterday while directing everyone to stay in their seats and carry on, business as usual, he reportedly shut the whole operation down down to deal with the visitors in a humane fashion.

Apparently even billionaires have pest control problems, or so one might surmise from the flock of wild birds terrorizing the SAC trading floor yesterday. Steven Cohen's $14 billion hedge fund in Stamford closed early on Wednesday, so that the 15+ birds which somehow found their way into SAC's high security, modern art filled headquarters could be caught and released... Sources say the avian influx announced itself yesterday, and despite the early closing, many of the birds are still at large today.

Obviously it goes without saying that any birds who are found injured will be nursed back to life by the big guy himself.

Exclusive: Steven Cohen's $14 Billion Hedge Fund Is Fed To The Birds [Guest of a Guest]
Related: ASPCA Unveils $300,000 Cohen Family Veterinary Care Assistance Fund in Miami, Fla.


Who Does Steve Cohen Have To Screw To Get Some Five-Star Talent Around Here?

Would-be senior traders are reportedly turning down offers to work at Point72 Asset Management. With Cohen's redoubled recruitment efforts, that'll change.