Commerce official didn't know you're not supposed to use work computers for porn; Brazil sinks; Tough road for DOJ to prosecute Wall Street execs; "Man Cited For Driving 112 MPH On Way To Traffic Court"; and more.

Aubrey McClendon dead in car crash; Goldman to drop bid on Russian bond deal; Father of modern IPO retires; Farmer Uses Manure To Spell Out 'No Trump'; and more.

$$$ Wall Street Turns to Hurricane Relief [DealBook] $$$ UBS Appoints New Investment Bank Team [WSJ] $$$ Paul Taubman retired, leaving Colm Kelleher as sole head of Morgan Stanley's investment bank [Reuters] $$$ "Death rates spike when more than half of the moon is visible in the night sky, according to research by longevity analysts." [FT] $$$ Teacher Promises to Put On French Maid Outfit If Students Get Their Grades Up [Gawker] $$$ BlackRock is looking for a performance analyst in Seattle [DBCC] $$$ "Debt-crippled euro zone countries could see the yields on their sovereign bonds fall dramatically if they used their gold reserves as collateral for that debt issuance, according to Sylvester Eijffinger, professor of financial economics at Tilburg University." [CNBC] $$$ Stifel Financial to Buy KBW for $575 Million [DealBook] $$$ Mitt Romney steals Stephen Colbert's slogan [DI] $$$ Pony Up: First Ever Brony Commercial Airs Tonight During Primetime [NYO]

Ukrainian insider trading hackers; Yuan devaluation; Jay-Z's pinot champagne; Puerto Rico; "91-year-old man proves you’re never too old to be arrested for cocaine smuggling"; and more.