If you were to have told me in August 2011 that a story about George Soros's love life involving women 60 years his junior, "on again, off again non-exclusive relationships," dream apartments, broken promises, and broken lamps would still be unfolding 19 months later and getting better at each turn I would have told you to check yourself. And yet it has! With an amazing update that involves George Soros allegedly being assaulted with the light fixture he allegedly assaulted his non-exclusive girlfriend with and an official reminder that George Soros has had sex with more women by 9AM than most people have in their entire lives.

2005-2010: George Soros has a relationship of debatable seriousness depending on who you ask with a woman named Adriana Ferreyr. (According to Ferreyr, it was a "serious and meaningful relationship," while according to Soros, things were “on-again, off-again and non-exclusive.") Ferrreyr is promised her "dream apartment" on East 85th Street. Summer 2010: Several days after the contract on the apartment is signed, Soros "heartlessly dumps" Ferreyr, which means no dream apartment for her. Approximately a week later: The duo "briefly reconcile for a romantic night together." A few hours later: Soros "whispers in Ferreyr's ear" that another woman, Tamikoa Bolton, is living in her apartment. Ferreyr expresses strong displeasure at this fact. Soros supposedly slaps Ferreyr across the face and attempts "to strike her with a glass lamp, narrowly missing." August 2011: Ferreyr demands $50 million for broken promises re: dream apartments, makes allegations re: lamps. Later in August 2011: Soros strongly denies accusations, refuses to pony up squat. February 2012: Ferryr refuses to settle for $250,000, court date is set for early May April 30, 2012: OH NO, HE DI'INT: Billionaire George Soros made a rare public appearance with his younger girlfriend, Tamiko Bolton, hours before a court date with his ex, Adriana Ferreyr. Soros, 81, and Bolton, 39, were photographed together at a Paley Center screening of “The Intouchables” Monday night, marking the first time they’ve stepped out in public as a couple. Bolton resides in the $1.9 million apartment which Ferreyr says Soros promised her, and which she’s suing over. Soros and Bolton’s sudden public appearance, meantime, seemed like a statement (or a show of unity) the night before a hearing in Manhattan Supreme Court. May 1, 2012: [Guessing] Bolton shows up to the courthouse with Soros sipping coffee out of china from the apartment and wiping her hands on the monogrammed towels ("AF & GS") that mistakenly delivered the week after she moved in. May 3, 2012: ??? Soros And Gal Pal Step Out [NYP]

*August 11, exactly one year to the day! Not saying the announcement was timed out of spite but not not saying the announcement was timed out of spite.** **Though they did get engaged weeks earlier and waited on the news, so.