Write-Offs: 07.22.13

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$$$UBS Reaches Settlement on Mortgage Securities [Dealbook]

$$$Deutsche Bank Speeds Up Plan To Shrink Size [WSJ]

$$$How to avoid being real shark bait, by Mandy Drury [CNBC]

$$$Banker jumps out of his seventh-floor window following fight with co-op board over dogs — and lives [NYP]

$$$Ex-Goldman Saleswoman Called to Bury Tourre With Praise [Bloomberg]

$$$ A woman got her head stuck in some railings while having sex with her boyfriend Sunday. The 46-year-old, from Lipetsk in Russia, said that she wanted to "spice things up" with her man. A neighbor called the police after finding the woman naked and unable to free herself from the stairwell. When police arrived, the woman said that she had been having consensual sex with her partner when she became stuck. Her boyfriend was not around when the officers turned up. [DS]

$$$Capital Outflows Hit China [WSJ]

$$$CNBC’s No. 1 star, Maria “Money Honey” Bartiromo, with her hefty five-year contract set to expire late this year, is in play and is shopping herself around to rival networks, sources familiar with the situation tell The Post. [NYP]

$$$ O.J. Simpson may soon team up with fellow pariah Charlie Sheen in an effort to resurrect his acting career. In anticipation of being sprung early from his 33-year stretch at Lovelock Correctional Center outside of Reno, Nev., The Juice hopes to land a recurring, comeback role on “Anger Management.” [NYP]

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Write-Offs: 09.17.12

$$$ Arrests Near Stock Exchange Top 100 on Occupy Wall St. Anniversary [NYT] $$$ Pandit’s Censured Bonus Unhurt by Smith Barney Writedown [Bloomberg] $$$ America’s Fourth-Richest Woman Unveiled With Koch Stake [Bloomberg] $$$ The incidence of the corporate tax is progressive [WonkBlog] $$$ Apple sells 2 million new phones, sets early order record [Reuters] $$$ B-School Applicants Decline for Four Years [WSJ] $$$ "One sophomore, granted anonymity by The Crimson because she was afraid to be associated with a party that had been interrupted by police ... [said] 'Everyone at Harvard is very career-minded. No one likes the cops.'" [Crimson] $$$ A mid-sized global investment bank is looking for a senior quant developer for its FICC trading desk in New York [DBCC] $$$ "One could easily conclude that [corporate bond] ETFs are ending up with the inventory that dealers can’t manage themselves. Which makes perfect sense if you consider that ETFs are a great place for dealers to park inventory on a funded and risk-recycled basis." [FTAV] $$$ Euro crisis tests limits of "French exception" [Reuters] $$$ Schulze still trying to line up Best Buy bid funding [NYP] $$$ A federal court ruled that a fraternity is not a monastery for zoning purposes [VC] $$$ "A Wal-Mart cashier and manager tore up two $100 bills and held a customer for hours until police came and told the store the cash was legitimate, the furious customer claims in court." [CNS]