Write-Offs: 07.22.13

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$$$UBS Reaches Settlement on Mortgage Securities [Dealbook]

$$$Deutsche Bank Speeds Up Plan To Shrink Size [WSJ]

$$$How to avoid being real shark bait, by Mandy Drury [CNBC]

$$$Banker jumps out of his seventh-floor window following fight with co-op board over dogs — and lives [NYP]

$$$Ex-Goldman Saleswoman Called to Bury Tourre With Praise [Bloomberg]

$$$ A woman got her head stuck in some railings while having sex with her boyfriend Sunday. The 46-year-old, from Lipetsk in Russia, said that she wanted to "spice things up" with her man. A neighbor called the police after finding the woman naked and unable to free herself from the stairwell. When police arrived, the woman said that she had been having consensual sex with her partner when she became stuck. Her boyfriend was not around when the officers turned up. [DS]

$$$Capital Outflows Hit China [WSJ]

$$$CNBC’s No. 1 star, Maria “Money Honey” Bartiromo, with her hefty five-year contract set to expire late this year, is in play and is shopping herself around to rival networks, sources familiar with the situation tell The Post. [NYP]

$$$ O.J. Simpson may soon team up with fellow pariah Charlie Sheen in an effort to resurrect his acting career. In anticipation of being sprung early from his 33-year stretch at Lovelock Correctional Center outside of Reno, Nev., The Juice hopes to land a recurring, comeback role on “Anger Management.” [NYP]

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