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Legendary Investor Lenny Dykstra Will Sign “Anything” You Want This Weekend (And He Does Mean "Anything")

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Not six weeks out of prison and Lenny Dykstra is wasting no time raising funds for what we hope is another billion dollar business venture or bid to reclaim Wayne Gretzky's house. If you can get yourself to White Plains this weekend, you won't be disappointed.

Not only that but you'll have the satisfaction of making your dreams comes true on the cheap; Paul O'Neill, who'll also be in attendance at the event, is charging $99 for signatures and $25 for inscriptions, making LD a relative bargain.

Excited for the opportunity but feeling overwhelmed by the wide-openness of "anything"? If you're stumped for ideas, consider asking Dykstra to sign:

  • A pack of Twizzlers
  • Your breasts
  • A fly ball of his you caught in '87
  • A can of dip
  • Any of the World Series items he sold to a pawn shop you might have come across
  • A "like new" copy of Nails: The Inside Story Of An Amazin' Season
  • A DVD sleeve that holds a copy of the HBO episode of Real Sports with Bryant Gumble in which Jim Cramer had this exchange with reporter Bernie Goldberg: Jim Cramer: I think people don't think of Lenny as sophisticated, but I'm telling you Bernie, not only is he sophisticated but he is one of the great one's in this business. He's one of the great ones.
    Bernie Goldberg: Lenny Dykstra.
    Jim Cramer: Lenny Dykstra.
    Bernie Goldberg: Lenny Dykstra.
    Jim Cramer: Lenny Dykstra. I know. I KNOW. It's like, Lenny Dykstra. It's like, c'mon, Jim, Lenny Dykstra? Yeah. Lenny Dykstra.

, By Lenny Dykstra

You're on your own for the inscription. Don't hold back.

August Autograph Guests [NYShows]


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Legendary Investor Lenny Dykstra Unveils Latest Revenue Stream

It involves "elderly women" and "companionship."

Prosecutors Want Jim Cramer-Endorsed Investor Lenny Dykstra To Do Thirty Months In Jail

They say that's the only way Dykstra* will learn that in our society, you can't rip toilets and other bathroom fixtures out of the floor and sell them to a pawn shops just because you feel like it, or drop trou for the cleaning staff.