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Luxury Building One57 Can Kiss Several Pig-Loving, Nude Dance Show-Performing Would-Be Tenants Good-Bye

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Banning unsightly barbecues and violin practice at all hours of the night is one thing but no pigs? No menageries? No nude to semi-nude performances? Those are going to be several bridges too far for some million and billionaires previously interested in the property.

If high rollers are thinking of moving into One57, the ultra-posh 90-story condo tower opposite Carnegie Hall, they’ll have to leave their pot-bellied pig behind. The plump porkers are just one of several types of pets barred from the Midtown high-rise, according to a 296-page public filing detailing the condo bylaws. Gerbils, guinea pigs and bunnies are verboten as well — as are hens and ponies. Yes, break it to the kids gently. In fact, no more than two “orderly domestic” pets — that is, dogs, cats, caged birds and aquarium fish — will be allowed into the building, where units are reportedly in contract for as much as $45 million per floor. And get this: a photograph of each pet must be given to the board before the non-human family member will be allowed into the building. “Nothing I heard is unusual except the photograph of the pet,” said lawyer Jay Neveloff, a partner with Kramer Levin, who writes many condo plans but was not involved in this one.

The bylaws even bar the practicing of musical instruments or singing from 11 p.m. to 7 a.m., which, of course, does make it harder for talented residents to get to the One57’s prominent neighbor, Carnegie Hall. Phonographs, radios, televisions, computers and stereos also can’t be played loudly during that time, if it “disturbs or annoys” other occupants. In other words, the building at 157 W. 57th St., now being completed by Gary Barnett’s Extell Development, is not exactly a party tower. Also off-limits is massage “therapy,” any nude or semi-nude performances, or, heaven forbid, modeling.

Swine-free zone [NYP]


Who Wants To Adopt Anna Gristina's Pigs?

Back in March, a woman named Anna Gristina was arrested for allegedly running a whorehouse out of an East 78th Street apartment, with plans to go global. In that time, we've learned a good bit about Gristina (who goes by Anna Scotland professionally), who currently remains incarcerated on Riker's Island. For instance, at the time of her arrest, she was meeting with a friend and broker who was supposedly helping her line up financing to expand the venture (which she maintains was an upscale dating site), she paid her hookers well, and she was an animal lover. Emphasis on the past tense because apparently anyone can be an animal lover until push comes to shove and mommy needs money for legal fees. Then it's good-bye lush accommodations upstate, hello slaughterhouse. An accused Upper East Side brothel boss is so hard up for cash that she’s had to evict most of the pigs she keeps in her upstate home to save money while she remains locked up in jail on $2 million bond. The family of accused madam Anna Gristina, who’s got a soft spot for porkers, has sent away all but two of the seven rescue pigs she keeps in order to save the hundreds of dollars per month she spends in upkeep for them at her Orange County farm, her husband said yesterday. “My son was really upset,” Gristina’s hubby Kelvin Gorr said of the decision to relocate those hogs to two other farms. “He was crying,” Gorr said of the boy, 9-year-old Nicholas. “Anna, too, was upset,” the real-estate agent Gorr said. “But there’s nothing we can do.” But Gorr assured, “They’re not going to be eaten.”blockquote> Oh really? That's interesting because most people wouldn't make a claim like "they're not going to be eaten" without explaining what WILL happen to them instead, unless you are prevaricating in flagrante. So. Apparently it falls to us. If anyone has an interest in taking in one of these pigs, speak up now. Lest the idea cross your mind that a certain hedge fund manager will be opening his doors, let me stop you right there-- there's no room at that inn.

Bill Ackman's $90 Million Apartment Purchase Was Basically A Groupon

Don't worry about him making a profit, killjoys-- he got this baby on sale.