Phil Falcone Is Just Going To Start Suing Everyone

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Once the Harbinger founder got a taste of how good it felt to serve someone papers, he just couldn't stop. This morning it was the entire GPS industry; tomorrow, anyone who sold their LightSquared debt to Charlie Ergen, these guys, for not winning the Stanley Cup, and maybe the SEC, in some sort of countersuit. Which, if you were looking into the not too distant future, might go down something like this:

[Somewhere in midtown.]

Phil Falcone, to someone on the other line. It's not clear who it is, but we get the impression she hashooves: Have you seen this American Express bill?! I told you we need to be cutting BACK, not spending MORE right now. [pauses to listen to Unknown Caller's response.] Well maybe I don't care if Barney's had a mumu that was speaking to you. [pauses to listen to Unknown Caller's response, with increasing impatience.] Well maybe I don't care if you needed a pick-me-up, I told you we can't be borrowing from the fund anymore. [deafening shrieking on the other end of the phone.] I'm sorry, I didn't mean that. I'm just really stressed these days...

[A knock at the door.]

Phil Falcone: Listen, I gotta jump, my lawyer is here. [Unknown Caller interjects.] Yes, I'll remind him. No, I don't know why he hasn't done anything about it. We can't fire every lawyer who doesn't-- okay, really I have to get off. Chinese is good, I don't care. Love you too.

Harbinger Deputy General Counsel: Everything good?

Phil Falcone: Yeah, listen, did you get my memo about Wilbur's unpaid parking tickets?

Harbinger Deputy General Counsel: I did...

Phil Falcone: Well are you going to do something about them?

Harbinger Deputy General Counsel: Mr. Falcone, like I've said in the past, I can't "do" anything about them. You just need to pay--

Phil Falcone: Bull shit! You must know someone who can take care of that kind of stuff.

Harbinger Deputy General Counsel: Again, no, I don't know anyone who can "take care of" that stuff.

Phil Falcone: Well I think you could probably come up with someone if you really wanted to.

Harbinger Deputy General Counsel: Right, so listen, what I came to talk about this this SEC matter--

Phil Falcone: Maybe an old law school buddy...

Harbinger Deputy General Counsel: They are still intent on seeing you banned from the industry.

Phil Falcone: Someone in law enforcement...

Harbinger Deputy General Counsel: And if they're successful, that's going to pose a problem for you in your capacity as a hedge fund manager.

Phil Falcone: A senator or a congressman or something or...

Harbinger Deputy General Counsel: Are you listening to anything I'm saying? They're going to ban you from the securities industry and we need to decide how to proceed.

Phil Falcone: They can go fuck themselves!

Harbinger Deputy General Counsel: Okay, sure, but--

Phil Falcone: Ban ME from the securities industry?!? We'll ban THEM from the securities industry!

Harbinger Deputy General Counsel: Mr. Falcone, the Securities and Exchange Commission can't be banned from--

Phil Falcone: File the papers!

Harbinger Deputy General Counsel: Mr. Falcone--

Phil Falcone: File the fucking papers! And then find out the names of those meter maids, we're gonna sue them too.

Falcone Adds Defendants in Effort to Keep LightSquared [Dealbook]
Harbinger Capital Sues Deere, Garmin, GPS Industry Over Spectrum Conflicts [WSJ]

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