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What Does A 'Nice' Conversation With Carl Icahn Look Like?

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Only Tim Cook can say but early guesses include:

a. He doesn't call you a "crying little Jewish boy"
b. He doesn't liken you to the kids he used to beat up in Queens
c. He doesn't refer to you as "This [your name here] guy"
d. He doesn't tell you he's never coming on your show again
e. He doesn't bring up Max Mayer
f. He doesn't let you know he "...wouldn’t invest with you if you were the last man on earth
g. He doesn't tell you he was told he can say whatever he "god damn wants to say"

Related: How Should Bill Ackman And Carl Icahn Settle This Thing Once And For All?


Carl Icahn Still Thinks Bill Ackman Is A Bum, But That's Just, Like, His Opinion

There are many people in the universe who are fans of hedge fund manager Bill Ackman. They like his style. His charm. The way he makes them feel. The fact that he's not afraid to show his emotions or give them an honest opinion about their new dress or say "You know what? Those highlights really aren't working for you." Carl Icahn, however, is not one of those people. Save for a fleeting moment of supposed amicability following "a lengthy, boozy dinner," Icahn has viewed Ackman as a punk for nearly a decade; an untrustworthy little jerk who Ichan's friends supposedly told him not to do business with. (The feeling being more than a little mutual; as Ackman has put it, "The guy is a shakedown artist. His word is worthless.”) Anyway, in case anyone was wondering if the investors had put an end to their feud with another long, booze-filled meal, wonder no longer.