Write-Offs: 08.08.13

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$$$SEC wants J.P. Morgan to admit to wrongdoing in "London whale" probe as part of any settlement. [WSJ]

$$$Big-Game Buffett Settles for Small Prey [WSJ]

$$$Goldman Sachs Cooperating With U.S. Credit-Swaps Inquiry [Bloomberg]

$$$Bank of America Regains Top Spot for U.S. Structured Note Sales [Bloomberg]

$$$ In the "Picasso Baby" video, which debuted over the weekend, Jay-Z talks about performance art and raps the single “Picasso Baby” live. The audience is a group of art world stars like Marina Abramovic and celebs including Alan Cumming and “Girls” star Jemima Kirke, who stood on the sidelines and took turns sitting on a gallery bench while Jay-Z rapped to them during the seven-hour shoot. But for quirky Kirke, watching quietly wasn’t going to work. In the video, she first takes her turn on the bench, letting Hova serenade her. Wearing hot pink pants and a black top, the smiley actress still has her act together as she lets down her hair and grins away. A short time later, the video cuts to Kirke, now draped on Jay like a cheap suit as he raps to the cheering crowd. “She was acting totally nuts!” said one witness, who watched Kirke climb onto Jay’s back and hold on tightly while the hip-hop superstar walked about, rapping to fans without missing a beat. “She kept jumping on his back like a little monkey,” says our source. Seeing Kirke going bananas, Jay Z’s security staff peeled her off the rap icon. “Someone was screaming ‘Get her off of him!’ ” says our spy. Kirke went away kicking and begging, “Let us finish!” as she was removed from the gallery. [NYDN]

$$$Judge orders hold on administrative proceeding against SAC's Cohen [Reuters]

$$$Mary Kay’s Rogers Becomes Billionaire in Pink Escalade [Bloomberg]

$$$ With the 5-year anniversary of the Lehman implosion coming up next month, Geoffrey Raymond, the greatest artist of our time, is offering two sets of four prints for $699/set. The Private Sector (Cayne, Fuld, Blankfein and Dimon) and The Public Sector (Greenspan, Paulson, Bernanke and Geithner). Check them out here [AP]

$$$Australia’s Anthony Weiner Put His Penis in Red Wine and Took a Picture [NYM]

Related

Write-Offs: 04.10.13

$$$ Fed's Early Minutes Release Went to Some Banks [WSJ] $$$ Ex-SAC Trader Gets Court Permission for African Honeymoon [DealBook] $$$ Dimon Sees More Regulator Scrutiny After Whale Loss [Bloomberg] $$$ FBI found KPMG auditor via golf buddy, his lawyer says [Reuters] $$$ Goldman deal with union group lets Blankfein keep dual roles [Reuters] $$$ Underdog Undergrads From Jersey City Win Investing Competition [MarketBeat] $$$ Dodd-Frank 'Written in Anger,' Needs Fixing: Chamber CEO [CNBC] $$$ Chaos of rulings on toxic CDOs means uncertainty for investors [Reuters] $$$ Bank Investors Press Breakups to Add Value, Burnell Says [Bloomberg] $$$ 'Warehouse Games': Base Metals Supply Crunch on the Horizon? [AOL Energy] $$$ S&P, TrueEX Team Up on CDS Futures [WSJ] $$$ Beyonce and Jay-Z Cuba Trip Called ‘Educational’ by Treasury [Bloomberg]

Write-Offs: 8.11.15

Ukrainian insider trading hackers; Yuan devaluation; Jay-Z's pinot champagne; Puerto Rico; "91-year-old man proves you’re never too old to be arrested for cocaine smuggling"; and more.