Been thinking about TP'ing your CEO's house? Or placing a massive trade that, let's be honest, probably won't work out and will ultimately cost the firm billions? Or taking the keys to your boss's vintage Ferrari and driving some colleagues uptown for a joy ride, and when confronted about, claim you thought the office had a "what's mine is yours" policy? Or dressing up as his wife for Halloween? Thanks to a new compensation plan being considered by London bank, now you can?
While you won't be making anymore money in total, a bigger percentage of your annual take-home will now be ineligible for clawbacks, no matter how much you mouth off on YouTube about how miserable your work environment is.
London's top traders and bankers could soon see a big boost to their monthly pay as part of an effort by banks to hold onto their best performers despite a new European Union law limiting annual bonuses. But that doesn't mean they will end up with more money than usual at the end of the year. At least a dozen banks operating in London, including Barclays, J.P. Morgan Chase, and HSBC Holdings, are considering giving their highest-paid staff "role-based" monthly allowances, according to people familiar with the plans, to make up for pay that might have previously been given as part of an annual performance award. The potential move is a response to a new EU law limiting annual bonuses to no more than a year's salary starting next year. The European Commission says the rule will help tackle excessive risk taking that can weaken banks. Critics say it will raise banks' fixed costs and cut their ability to link pay with performance.
Monthly allowances, which are among the options banks are considering, would be based on an employee's role and responsibilities and could be reset each year. The allowances would be paid monthly along with normal salaries at a fixed amount and couldn't be linked to an employee's performance. For example, if a trader currently receives about £2 million ($3.2 million) a year made up of £200,000 in base pay and a £1.8 million bonus, the new yearly package might consist of £200,000 in base pay, an £800,000 allowance and a £1 million bonus.
Even if you haven't harbored fantasies of acting out any of the aforementioned scenarios, feel free to at the very least take this as an opportunity to let out those audible sighs and eye-rolls you've been holding back.