BusinessWeek Finds A Weird Way To Kick Steve Cohen When He's Down

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As many of you know, a lifelong dream of Steve Cohen's has been to own a Major League Baseball team. Last year he tried and failed to buy the Los Angeles Dodgers. The year before that he tried and failed to buy the New York Mets. While did eventually acquire a small stake in the NY team, obviously it's not the same as being the majority owner, free to dictate a change in uniform fabric from polyester to fleece, demand private dances by Mr. Met, and fire every player on the team if they're down by more than 15 games at the All Star break. His pride has thus far prevented him from bidding for a third franchise, because even Cohen knows that the odds of a successful acquisition, at this point, are slim to none, even if said franchise were the Toledo Mud Hens. He knows it, we know it, the Pepsi Party Patrol knows it. We're pretty sure the editors at Businesweek know it, too, but they reached out to several experts to confirm the suspicion anyway.

“I would hazard a guess that it would be very difficult for him to get a team,” Fay Vincent said in a telephone interview. “People like (Chicago White Sox owner) Jerry Reinsdorf, who is very important and a strong keeper of that tradition of vetting owners, would be a very major obstacle.”

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“The two words that ownership and commissioners hate the most are investigation and deposition,” Andy Dolich, a former executive in multiple U.S. sports leagues and a member of another group that unsuccessfully bid on the Dodgers, said in a telephone interview. “Deposition is probably more feared than free agency.” Courtney declined to comment on Cohen’s chance of owning a team. “The reality is, it’s not good,” said Bob Caporale, chairman of Game Plan LLC, which represented McCourt when he bought the Dodgers from News Corp. and who has handled sales of limited interests in baseball’s Boston Red Sox and New York Yankees.

Steven A. Cohen’s Baseball Dream Strikes Out in Hedge-Fund Plea [BusinessWeek]
Related: New York Times Finds A Weird Way To Kick Steve Cohen When He’s Down

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New York Times Finds A Weird Way To Kick Steve Cohen When He's Down

As you may have heard, things have not been going tremendously well for Steve Cohen of late. Two days before Thanksgiving, the government went public with its case against a former SAC Capital employee, Mathew Martoma, who it accused of masterminding the largest insider trading scheme ever. Cohen was neither charged nor mentioned by name in the criminal complaint, but he did make an appearance playing the role of "Portfolio Manager A," a part we have previously mentioned one does not want to portray, if it can be avoided. Then on Wednesday, it was disclosed that SAC had received a Wells notice, indicative of the SEC's plan to sue the fund and if that wasn't enough, sources also claimed investigators are considering naming Cohen personally in the suit, to boot. So things are not exactly going his way right now and what he could really use is a break. The government dropping all charges against Martoma and publicly stating it will stay out of the Big Guy's business forever starting right this second seems out of the question but even some small act of kindness would probably help. Allowing him to pass you on 95. Telling him he looks nice today. Asking, "Have you been working out?" Sending him humorous YouTube videos with a sweet note like, "Hang in there, bud. You're in my thoughts..." On the flip side, you know what he doesn't need? Wildly libelous claims that it's going to take a lot more than a "Correction" to forgive.

New York Mets Might Want To Savor Their Time Under The Tutelage Of Steve Cohen

...because they're about their last! SAC Capital Advisors founder Steven Cohen is the front-runner to purchase the Los Angeles Dodgers. Reports earlier this week indicated that Cohen's bid for the baseball team was a couple hundred million dollars less than that made by former baseball executive Stan Kasten and Los Angeles Lakers legend Magic Johnson. But Cohen's bid now matches the Kasten-Johnson offer of $1.6 billion—and at least half of Cohen's purchase price would come in the form of cash. Indeed, Cohen, who last month bought a small stake in the New York Mets, which he would have to give up if approved to buy the California team, may already be planning for the Dodgers' future. He has reportedly spoken with former Major League manager Tony La Russa about taking the team over under a Cohen regime. [FinAlternatives]

Science Finds A Weird Way To Kick Jon Corzine When He's Down

Taking away the one thing he thought he had going for himself. To assess how beards affected perceptions of men’s age, attractiveness, social status and aggressiveness, Vasey and Dixson showed people of European descent in New Zealand as well as Polynesians in Samoa pictures of the same men, with and without full beards, as they displayed neutral, smiling and angry facial expressions. Both men and women said that with beards, the men looked older and more aggressive than they did with their beards shaved...Women said that the clean-shaven faces were more attractive than the whiskery ones.