Life At JP Morgan Is Looking Up

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Yes, the bank just agreed to pay $13 billion to settle only one of the many investigations into its practices. Yes, #AskJPM didn't exactly go off as planned. Yes, the public outrage reserved for Goldman Sachs has all but turned to 270 Park. Yes, the firm's headquarters are visited regularly by an exorcist.

And yes, on the surface, all of that looks pretty bad. But none of it matters. Not when a dating website proclaims your (male) employees to be the 4th hottest in New York based on the results of a study that real science went into it doesn't.

Dating app Hinge reviewed 18,000 profiles to determine which users most often get “favorited” — or named hot by other users — to rank companies according to “most desirable” employees. It found that men working for Facebook were named attractive 38 percent of the time, placing number one on a list of hot-guy-boasting firms such as ESPN and JP Morgan Chase...“The inquiry at the heart of these findings is whether attractive people are more likely to be hired by these companies — or that by working at these companies, people become more attractive to others,” a representative for the company said. “We think it’s a mixture of both.” The finance company Brown Brothers Harriman placed second on the list of most attractive firms and MTV ranked third.

If you're reading this from JP Morgan, consider printing, laminating, and referring to the following, whenever life at JPM feels like it's getting a little too real. Yes, you may have gotten into the habit of refreshing the SEC website every eight second to make sure no new charges have been levied against the firm, but, damn it, people find you nearly as attractive as the staff of Facebook and more attractive than the lepers at ESPN. And that's something.

1) Facebook
2) Brown Brothers Harriman
3) MTV networks
4) JP Morgan Chase
5) Digitas
6) ESPN
7) Paul Weiss
8) Apple Inc
9) Lenox Hill Hospital
10) McKinsey and Company

New York’s ‘sexiest’ firms [NYP]

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