Cliff Asness Has A Lot Of Problems With You People

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The AQR chief has made clear that there are many things he doesn't like: Democrats. The real Warren Buffet when a robotic alternative is available. College professors talking to him when he's enjoying a bottle of wine. But these, friends, are just the beginning.

Saying I have a pet peeve, or some pet peeves, just doesn't do it. I have a menagerie of peeves, a veritable zoo of them.

And now, you're gonna hear about them. Or some of them, for, unluckily for readers, rather than writing a book-length airing of grievances like some other prominent hedge fund manager might, to say nothing of attempting to equal his ideological lodestone in verbosity, he plans to strictly limit himself to 10 for the purposes of this Financial Analysts Journal article, which runs a mere eight pages (nine including footnotes).

Luckily for readers, I will restrict this editorial to only those related to investing (you do not want to see the more inclusive list) and to only a mere 10 at that.

And that 10 will be a subset of the extremely stupid things Cliff Asness is forced to hear on a daily basis. And even then, he will restrain himself in mowing down the piffle that puts him in a bad mood.

Because of the machine-gun nature of this piece, these are mostly teasers. I don't go into all the arguments for my points, and I blatantly ignore counterpoints (to which I assert without evidence that I have counter-counterpoints). But some deserve a more thorough treatment that hopefully I, or someone else, will undertake.

Enjoy.

My Top 10 Peeves [FAJ]

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Chuck Schumer's Gonna Have To Do A Lot Better Than Dinner If He Wants A Piece Of Cliff Asness

Earlier today, Politico ran a story titled "Can Chuck Schumer win back Wall St. for Democrats?" Apparently the New York Senator recently "embarked on a fence-mending campaign with senior Wall Street executives, many of whom have grown furious with the Democratic party," in a charm offensive that has included "holding private dinners [including one put on by Pershing Square manager Bill Ackman], organizing high-end fundraisers for Democratic candidates and quietly pressing for super PAC donations." According to Politico, "the outreach appears to be working: Hedge fund and private-equity executives have held six different fundraisers for Democratic challengers and senators at Schumer’s request, sources say." Some financial services employees, however, are not so easy. Take Cliff Asness for example. The AQR manager happened to read the piece and here's what he had to say about it: From: Cliff Asness Sent: Tuesday, June 19, 2012 01:08 PM To: AQR lieutenants, other top hedge fund managers Subject: Can Chuck Schumer win back Wall St. for Democrats? Good title question. Only if Wall Street is so f---ing stupid as to defy credulity, honor, and morality. So, yeah, probably. Best line: “Chuck Schumer is pro-business". Yeah, ones that buy him off in explicit crony-capitalism, but he wants to regulate and tax to death ones that don't. Don Corleone was also pro-business. You guys say this stuff with a straight face huh? C p.s. Sorry about the multiple emails, merging lists (though that is probably not the thing that upsets people) While the above response should come as a shock to exactly no one, we don't think Schumer should give up on Asness so easily. The guy just wants to be wooed. Start with some limited edition action figures, add some $700 bottles of wine, and go from there.  You whip out a Mego Elastic Batman, he's listening. You show up with a a matching Captain America shield tattoo but instead of on your forearm it's on your face? He's nominating you for President. You're welcome.