Steve Cohen Doesn't Need Your Pity!

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Steven A. Cohen is exiting the hedge-fund stage with a 2013 performance that is ahead of the pack. As the beleaguered hedge fund manager's SAC Capital Advisors prepares to return outside money and manage only its billionaire founder's cash beginning next month, it is closing in on a banner year relative to its peers. The firm's flagship fund is up more than 20% through Dec. 27, a person familiar with its returns confirmed. Just this month, the fund is up approximately 2%, the person said. The median multistrategy hedge fund was up 9% through the end of November, according to the Absolute Return Multistrategy Index. [WSJ]

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Steve Cohen Needs To Go Stress Shopping, STAT

In objective terms, worse things have happened to Steve Cohen than the news he received today. The charges against Mathew Martoma re: allegedly masterminding the largest insider trading scheme ever during his time at SAC. Friday's arrest of high-ranking employee Michael Steinberg. The $614 million he needs to personally pony up to settle with the Securities and Exchange Commission (which he may not even be allowed to do without an admission of guilt). The slanderous claim his house clocks in at a mere 14,000 square feet. The circling of federal investigators who want him bad. And yet presumably none of that compares to today's hit, which must have him in a fury that only the purchase of the Mona Lisa can assuage.