Write-Offs: 03.05.14 - Dealbreaker

Write-Offs: 03.05.14

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$$$Wall Street’s Class of 2013 is being poached earlier than usual by private-equity and hedge funds, showing it’s going to take more than Saturdays off for the biggest banks to keep their most ambitious employees. The rookies, who typically graduated less than a year ago and already earn at least $100,000 annually, are being lured by offers that can double their salaries, bankers and headhunters said. [Bloomberg]

$$$Yellen Says Economy Falling Short of Congress-Mandated Goals [Bloomberg]

$$$NFL players learn a new skill: Avoid going broke [CNBC]

$$$SEC orders New York firm to pay record $7.2 million sanction [Reuters]

$$$Police: Drunk duo denied pizza try to light restaurant on fire [KPTV]

$$$China to Inject More Risk Into Financial System [NYP]

$$$Cerberus Seeks to Sew Up $9 Billion-Plus Deal for Safeway [WSJ]

$$$ AirPnP is based on a similar process as popular holiday rental website Airbnb, but instead of cozy and quirky accommodation, here crapitalists can rent out their lavatories for desperate punters. The golden idea is being tested at this year’s Mardi Gras in New Orleans and was inspired by the number of people who struggle to find somewhere to go at the event. [NYP]

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$$$ Something something something "[Bernanke] must once again address whether there is more the Fed can do to get the economy going and whether it is worth taking chances on controversial new programs" [WSJ] $$$ Brussels pushes for wide ECB powers [FT] $$$ Google, Apple CEOs in secret patent talks [Reuters] $$$ Goldman is struggling to sell an ABS deal backed by Bob Dylan royalties, inspiring many FT jokes [FT] $$$ Chipotle caught STEALING pennies from hapless customers nationwide in deceptive receipt rounding scandal [Daily Mail] $$$ Kelly & Dylan finally get together [NYP] $$$ A bulge bracket bank in New York is looking for a senior internal audit manager [DBCC] $$$ Guy voting Republican [CNBC] $$$ Sharp Elbows Among Street Lawmen [WSJ] $$$ Citi is looking for a little more space [WSJ] $$$ "A 97-year-old message in a bottle found by Scottish fishermen in their catch has set the world record for spending the longest time at sea." [Bloomberg] $$$ Over 100 students in Harvard's "Intro to Congress" class are being investigated for cheating [Crimson]