$$$ S&P 500 Breaks Record [WSJ] $$$ M&A Stumbles Amid March Deal Drought [Bloomberg] $$$ An interview with Athanasios Orphanides: What happened in Cyprus [Economist] $$$ Sarkozy: from the Elysée to private equity [FT] $$$ Embattled DOE-Grant Recipient Changes Name from A123 to B456 [WFB] $$$ Posting will be light tomorrow for Good Friday. Enjoy the holiday; we'll see you back here on Monday. $$$ Dell paying Blackstone's bills [Fortune] $$$ Investors sue RBS over 2008 rights issue [FT] $$$ REITs Trigger Fed Warning as Kain Tops $100 Billion [Bloomberg] $$$ Citi Sails Back Into 'Synthetic' Securities [WSJ] $$$ New York Is ‘By Far the Least Free State’ in America, According to Some People [DI] $$$ THE OTHER SIDE OF THE GITMO STRIKE: Detainees Are Treated Absurdly Well Compared To Business Insider Reporters [BI]

$$$ U.S. Banks See Strong Profit [WSJ] $$$ U.S. court says Argentina does not need to make $250 mln deposit [Reuters] $$$ Former Goldman Director Gupta to Stay Free Pending His Appeal [DealBook] $$$ Banks book record profits off Fannie and Freddie [Term Sheet, related] $$$ "The online brokerage of Bank of America Merrill Lynch rolled out something it is calling Face Retirement. ... Here’s how it works: It’s a website that takes your current image, using a web cam, and makes you old and decrepit — the kind of person who will need some cash socked away." [Deal Journal] $$$ "Prosecutors said there is no such thing as a $500 million Federal Reserve note" [UPI] $$$ The CME is looking for an executive director for equity index products [DBCC] $$$ Corporate bond "turnover has not collapsed 80 percent in the same way as dealer inventory, and in fact daily volumes are on a par with where they were in 2007." [Bond Vigilantes] $$$ CME Deliverable ‘Swap Futures’ See Comfortable Debut [MarketBeat] $$$ High Rollers Are Still Big Losers 18 Months After Online Poker's "Black Friday" [BuzzFeed, also MR: "Even if some of these sites were fraudulent, one wonders if the players would not have better off without government 'protection.'"] $$$ The "gentleman groper" is a lawyer, not a banker [ATL, earlier] $$$ "Can a dog be trained to drive a car? New Zealand's Society for the Prevention of Cruelty to Animals proved it could be done." [CBS, video!!!]

$$$ Draghi kills hope of instant action [FT] $$$ Mario Draghi's rescue plan for the euro: So that's what he meant [Economist] $$$ Goldman to Invest in City Jail Program, Profiting if Recidivism Falls Sharply [NYT] $$$ BofA in talks with Fannie Mae over mortgage dispute [Reuters] $$$ Missile Defense Staff Warned To Stop Surfing Porn Sites [Bloomberg via DI] $$$ New York Yankees Facebook Page Announces Derek Jeter To Miss Rest Of Season Due To Sex Change [Deadspin] $$$ Want to decide how much people at BlackRock get paid? They're looking for a Senior Compensation/Total Rewards Analyst in New York [DBCC] $$$ Facebook: The Stock That Keeps on Dropping [BBW] $$$ Europe Keeps Weighing on GM's Results [WSJ] $$$ Pimco’s El-Erian Says World in Serious Slowdown [Bloomberg] $$$ Romney's Horse Ranks 13th In Olympic Debut [WSJ] $$$ "Some account holders want to withdraw their money. I ask them why and give it to them if other children approve. Everyone earns five per cent interest on their savings." [Kottke]

Banks prep for rate rise; junk bonds; Big solar coming for big oil; "Massachusetts zoo sells artwork painted by animals"; and more.

$$$ Here are Dick Fuld's call logs from March through September of 2008. Tim Geithner, Hank Paulson, Lloyd Blankfein, Jamie Dimon, Ken Lewis, Rodge Cohen, Raj Rajaratnam ... [Jenner] $$$ The quants and derivatives traders of Occupy Wall Street [WaPo] $$$ Spain in talks over ‘bad bank’ scheme [FT] $$$ [@JeffMacke] $$$ Duke University grad doesn't want to waste her unique talents working on Wall Street, works in management consulting instead [DealBook, earlier] $$$ A leading M&A boutique is looking for a class of 2011 or 2010 FIG associate [DBCC] $$$ Large layoffs loom on Wall Street [Fortune] $$$ SEC Charges Mother, Daughter, and Their Attorney in Illegal Penny Stock Scheme [SEC] $$$ Barnes & Noble’s Nook Unit Is Worth More Than Its Parent Company [DealBook] $$$ “If mortgage REITs were not delivering to investors they would not be in a position to raise capital. Last I checked, the United States was still a capitalist country despite efforts to the contrary.” This quote from the CEO of mortgage REIT Annaly is not encouraging [Bloomberg] $$$ "But the debate between Krugman and Paul on Bloomberg TV this afternoon was more awkward than awesome, like a special episode of the Sopranos with the character of Tobias Funke." [DI] $$$ This novel by a former Lehman MD begins "The weight of the cufflinks was palpable." [Fiction Studio]

Two senate dems want to curb activist activity; Bullard says rates should go up; Counteroffer tops Marriott bid for Starwood; Sex toy sparks bomb scare; and more.