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Write-Offs: 04.17.14

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$$$Morgan Stanley's Profit Rises, as Results Beat Estimates [WSJ]

$$$Hedge funds get clobbered by fall in tech stocks [NetNet]

$$$How Can Yahoo Be Worth Less Than Zero? [BloombergView/Matt]

$$$A Fun Night Out for Under $200,000 [Bloomberg]

$$$ The more men who grow beards, the less attractive facial hair becomes to women, according to academic research. Are we at saturation point? [Telegraph]

$$$Enjoy Good Friday if that's your thing or the holiday known as the 3-Day Weekend if it's not! We'll see you back here on Monday.

$$$SEC Advances Final Set of Swaps Rules [WSJ]

$$$Ex-BP employee settles SEC insider-trading oil spill case [Reuters]

$$$Despite ridicule from Yelp reviewers, Ballston cafe keeps phallic sign [WTOP]

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$$$ BP to Plead Guilty to Felonies, Pay $4.5 Billion in Spill [WSJ] $$$ Eurozone slides back into recession [FT] $$$ House panel suggests SEC-CFTC merger after MF Global [Reuters] $$$ "With their boozy client dinners, big bonuses and foul-mouthed traders, interdealer brokers are stalwarts of a financial order that is in retreat." [Economist] $$$ John Carney went to a bar [NetNet] $$$ Henry Blodget: Why do some people hate women? [Gawker, earlier, earlier] $$$ William Blair is looking for a private capital associate in Chicago [DBCC] $$$ In a Switch, Investors Are Buying European Bank Bonds [DealBook] $$$ Fed Orders Largest Banks to Test Against Deep U.S. Recession [Bloomberg] $$$ SEC Report Finds Faults With Credit Raters [WSJ] $$$ Soccer no excuse for outdoor sex, Italy court rules [Reuters via Amy Tennery] $$$ Maine GOP chairman "play[s] basketball every Sunday with a black guy" [DI]

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