Write-Offs: 07.17.14

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$$$Alibaba Plans IPO for After Labor Day [WSJ]

$$$Microsoft Just Laid Off Thousands of Employees With a Hilariously Bad Memo [DI]

$$$JPMorgan’s Dimon Gets $37 Million of Crisis-Era Options [Bloomberg]

$$$SEC Says House Insider-Trading Probe Involves 44 Funds [Bloomberg]

$$$ A woman in Lakewood, Ohio, committed the biggest party foul possible Saturday afternoon when she drove her SUV right into a swimming pool as guests were swimming. [HP]

$$$ Daugs violated that duty in January 2008 when he fraudulently caused Lakeside Capital to liquidate $2.15 million in securities in her portfolio to generate the cash to transfer that amount from her IRA account at a custodian broker-dealer directly to an escrow account he used to purchase his ski vacation home. Daugs similarly misused $950,000 in assets from her portfolio in May 2009 to refinance his purchase of a rare 1955 Mercedes “Gullwing” automobile. [SEC]

$$$7 Indicted in $50 Million Pump-and-Dump Scheme [Dealbook]

$$$Doritos' Long, Slow Descent Into Madness [Kitchenette]

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