Write-Offs: 07.17.14

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$$$Alibaba Plans IPO for After Labor Day [WSJ]

$$$Microsoft Just Laid Off Thousands of Employees With a Hilariously Bad Memo [DI]

$$$JPMorgan’s Dimon Gets $37 Million of Crisis-Era Options [Bloomberg]

$$$SEC Says House Insider-Trading Probe Involves 44 Funds [Bloomberg]

$$$ A woman in Lakewood, Ohio, committed the biggest party foul possible Saturday afternoon when she drove her SUV right into a swimming pool as guests were swimming. [HP]

$$$ Daugs violated that duty in January 2008 when he fraudulently caused Lakeside Capital to liquidate $2.15 million in securities in her portfolio to generate the cash to transfer that amount from her IRA account at a custodian broker-dealer directly to an escrow account he used to purchase his ski vacation home. Daugs similarly misused $950,000 in assets from her portfolio in May 2009 to refinance his purchase of a rare 1955 Mercedes “Gullwing” automobile. [SEC]

$$$7 Indicted in $50 Million Pump-and-Dump Scheme [Dealbook]

$$$Doritos' Long, Slow Descent Into Madness [Kitchenette]

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Write-Offs: 12.20.12

$$$ TARP’s Smallest Recipient Repays, Treasury Reaps $62,000 [Real Time Economics] $$$ Peter Madoff Gets 10 Years for Aiding Brother’s Ponzi Scheme [Bloomberg] $$$ Role of Brokers in UBS Scandal Draws Scrutiny [WSJ] $$$ "At long last the New York Stock Exchange has achieved its main goal in recent years: consumption by a beast higher on the food chain." [NetNet / John Carney] $$$ This Handy Vibrator Is a Great Place to Store Your Pitch Decks [BetaBeat] $$$ Franklin Templeton is looking for a director of portfolio analysis and investment risk in San Mateo, CA [DBCC] $$$ San Bernardino paid $2 million in cash-outs before bankruptcy filing [Reuters] $$$ Making It Easier to Estimate Libor Losses [DealBook] $$$ US banks face rise in bad loans cover [FT] $$$ Pope already beating Justin Bieber’s rate of Twitter retweets — just a week after launching account [NYDN]

Write-Offs: 3.9.16

Block calls U.S. stocks rally 'dead cat bounce'; Strategist says Trump is a wild card for the markets; Naked Female Motorist Leads New Mexico Cops On 100 MPH Chase, Says She Was Too Hot For Clothes; and more.

Write-Offs: 02.22.13

$$$ U.K. Loses Top Aaa Rating From Moody’s as Growth Weakens [Bloomberg] $$$ Panic-driven austerity in the Eurozone and its implications [VoxEU] $$$ Judge extends freeze on account linked to Heinz trades [Reuters] $$$ "I asked ... if Citigroup had a policy of providing financial incentives to senior executives to encourage them to seek high-level federal jobs." [Bloomberg] $$$ "The bankrupt city of San Bernardino has hired a new city manager who, according to court filings, has twice declared personal bankruptcy ..." [Reuters] $$$ Pope Also Abandoning 1.5 Million People on Twitter [DI] $$$ Macquarie is looking for a structuring and risk management analyst for its energy markets division in Houston [DBCC] $$$ “Herbalife is bound by our self-regulatory code that prohibits [crimes]. Obviously, they wouldn’t be members of the association if we believed they were in violation.” [DealBook] $$$ Societe Generale planning CVA securitisation [Reuters] $$$ Don't Fix It, Call It a Risk Factor! [Credit Slips] $$$ Ex-SEC officials to risk council: Back off on money funds [Reuters] $$$ Resume includes "Drug dealer 2003-2005 small time supplier" [Gawker]

Write-Offs: 10.27.15

SABMiller needs more time; SEC gets tough with JP Morgan; "Canadian restaurant stuffs burger with Reese's Peanut Butter Cups"; and more.