Skip to main content

Jeff Gundlach May Add New Title To His Résumé

  • Author:
  • Updated:

Bond trader. Criminal investigator. Party planner. Art lover. Porn aficionado. NFL owner?

With the Buffalo Bills up for sale, Jeffrey Gundlach, a prominent bond investor in Los Angeles, is preparing a possible bid for the football team, according to reports in The Buffalo News. He is said to have partnered with Jim Kelly, the team’s Hall of Fame quarterback. Mr. Gundlach, the founder of DoubleLine Capital, grew up in a Buffalo suburb and has dreamed about buying the Bills in the past. He told The Wall Street Journal in 2011 that he was “thinking about” bidding for the team as part of a group...The Buffalo News, citing two unidentified sources, reported on Friday that Mr. Gundlach and Mr. Kelly had met with the trust that owns the Bills. The report said the two were hoping to join a larger bidder as minority partners.

Obviously, should Gundlach be successful in his quest to own a piece of the Bills, he'll be far too busy to shoot an adult film based on the experience; but he has fans, and they very well may be too inspired by this jack of all trades not to capture his essence on screen and in his favorite format. They'd need to get a screenwriter involved for the dialogue, but clearly "An NFL owner whips his team into shape on and off the field" is a good place to start. Or shoot it documentary style, and let Cinemax take a run at HBO's "Hard Knocks" with "Hard Cocks."

Buffalo Bills Are Said to Draw Jeffrey Gundlach as a Bidder [Dealbook]


Want To Earn $100,000 The Hard Way, You Dirty Little Bitch? Give Jeffrey Gundlach A Call

As you may have heard, at some point last week, bond manager Jeffrey Gundlach was robbed. Thieves took $10 million worth of stuff from the Doubleline founder's Santa Monica pad, including a couple of paintings, a few watches, some high-priced wine, a 2010 Porsche Carrera 4S, and whatever cash was lying around. While it's unclear if the burglars made away with Gundlach's collection of priceless pornographic films and sexual apparatus; if he was targeted specifically because the thieves knew they could get their hands on the original copy of Dr. Fellatio 16; or if they were tipped off by JG's regular pizza delivery guy, cable repairman, or pool boy, what is clear that Gundlach is pissed, pissed like a man who is no longer in possession of Ass Traffic Volume 2: The Director's Cut.  And that's where you come in. Mr Gundlach has reportedly offered a $100,000 reward for the return of his property. $1,000 is also being offered for information leading to the arrest and conviction of those who carried out the raid, according to Santa Monica police. And to the burglars, if you're reading this, Gundlach will see your asses in court (the real kind, unless you want to settle this in Bondage Nookie Court in which case, get in touch with this lawyer). Multimillionaire financier victim of $10-million heist [LA Times] Thieves snatch $10million haul of fine art, jewellery and a Porsche from home of wealthy banker dubbed the 'Bond God' [DM] Related (...?): Jeffrey Gundlach NOT Set Up By TCW, Big Fan Of “Dr. Fellatio” Series