$$$Fed Touchy About Touching Rate Guidance [RTE]

$$$Told to Find 'Sugar Daddy,' Karma Chief Sees Path to $500 Million Funds Instead [Bloomberg]

$$$Steve Ballmer stands to gain as much as $1bn in tax benefits as a result of his $2bn purchase of the Los Angeles Clippers basketball team, helping to explain why the Microsoft billionaire paid a record price for the club. [FT]

$$$Twitter’s Third-Quarter User Growth Slows, Shares Decline [Bloomberg]

$$$Darth Vader, a candidate running for a seat in the nation's parliament, was turned away at his polling place when he refused to take off his mask. Hours later, it looked like he had little chance of winning, according to exit polls. Or as Dark Lord of the Sith might say: "NOOOOoooooooo!" The candidate, who changed his name to Darth Alekseyevich Vader, turned up to vote on Sunday standing atop a black van decorated with symbols of the Galactic Empire and blaring "The Imperial March" from loudspeakers. Once inside, Vader showed his passport to polling officials, but they asked him to take off his mask. "Here is my face on the passport. Where does the law say that I have to take off my mask?" Vader said, according to The Telegraph. "I thought this might happen," he told reporters afterward, according to AFP. "But I am still disappointed. My rights have been violated again." [HP]

$$$Results of Stress Tests Don’t Guarantee Better Economic Health for Eurozone [Dealbook]

$$$Mega-retailer uses 'Fat Girl' costume category [CNBC]

$$$Maine Woman Dressed As Hello Kitty Arrested For Drunk Driving [TSG]