September 21, 2021

Goldman Sachs Changes 78 People's Lives

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The following employees successfully made it through the two-year “cross-ruffing” process and were inducted into the Brotherhood of the Sach this morning. Be sure to send them a congratulatory message at some point today; right now they're with HR, receiving instructions on how to operate their newly promoted nether regions, which were dipped in gold just an hour ago and can take some time getting used to.

Fadi Abuali
Aaron Arth
Jennifer Barbetta
Thomas Barrett
Gerard Beatty
Shane Bolton
Will Bousquette
Kane Brenan
Tavis Cannell
T.J. Carella
Gary Chropuvka
Darren Cohen
Stephanie Cohen
Kathleen Connolly
Sara Devereux
Iain Drayton
Carlos Fernandez-Aller
Jonathan Fine
Meena Lakdawala
David Friedland
Jan Fritze
Dino Fusco
Huntley Garriott
Jeff Gido
Littleton Glover
Cyril Goddeeris
Alexander Golten
Jason Gottlieb
Joanne Hannaford
Julie Harris
Edouard Hervey
Matthias Hieber
Charles Himmelberg
Sean Hoover
Pierre Hudry
Irfan Hussain
Kevin Kelly
Tammy Kiely
Maxim Klimov
Edward Knight
Etsuko Kobayashi
Nyron Latif
Greg Lee
Dirk Lievens
Kyri Loupis
John Madsen
Richard Manley
Michael Marsh
Ali Meli
David Miller
Joseph Montesano
Eric Muller
Manikandan Natarajan
Fergal O'Driscoll
Kristin Olson
Jernej Omahen
Nicholas Phillips
Rob Pulford
Colin Ryan
Carsten Schwarting
Kunal Shah (London)
Richard L. "Jake" Siewert
Jason Silvers
Kevin Sterling
Umesh Subramanian
Dan Swift
Ben Thorpe
Oliver Thym
Joe Todd
Hiroyuki Tomokiyo
Thomas Tormey
Mark Van Wyk
Rajesh Venkataramani
Matthew Verrochi
Owen West
Ronnie Wexler
Xiaoyin Zhang
Adam Zotkow

Earlier: What To Expect When You’re Expecting To Make Partner At Goldman Sachs

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Unlike the life-changing partnership ritual that takes place every two years, the managing director promotions, announced today, are more of a light pat on the ass that says, you’re doing a pretty okay job so far, but don’t get cocky. You've graduated from VP (a title which is now, amazingly, described to the layman as "the level attained by the disgruntled former employee Greg Smith"), and that's something to be proud of, but stay hungry for the reach-around.

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Each year, after a long and very comprehensive background check, a lucky group of Goldman employees are abducted from their desks, blindfolded, gagged, and led by candlelight through a dark hallway and into a subterranean conference room. Standing on the table before them are Lloyd Blankfein, Gary Cohn and the rest of the management committee, who ask if they are prepared to pledge their devotion to the firm above all else. Those who agree have their nether regions dipped in a vat of gold, genuflect before Cohn's groin, and, at the stroke of midnight, are inducted into the Brotherhood of the Sach. While there are many ways that becoming a member of the club will change one's life, the most important one involves the partaking of astronomical profits on payday. As a result, when people are not invited to join the group, they tend to get very upset. For instance, hedge fund manager David Tepper, who became a billionaire many times over after leaving the firm, was still so upset about the snub twenty years later that he bought and bulldozed the house of the guy who passed him over. Others probably wouldn't have even gone to the trouble of buying the place first, and operated the wrecking ball themselves. Which is why we say in full seriousness that the Partnership Committee might want to watch its back. Goldman Sachs has begun vetting potential new partners and is expected to appoint a smaller number of bankers to its upper echelons this year, according to senior executives involved in the process... The nomination process for new partners ended during the summer. The internal vetting process began earlier this month and is expected to last until mid-November when the new class of partners will be announced. The vetting process is known within the bank as “cross-ruffing”, in reference to a manoeuvre from the card game bridge and typically sees a team of partners deployed to every division to talk to employees who know the candidates. [FT, related]

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