After two long years of a highly uncomfortable process called "cross-ruffing," today is the day a small group of Goldman Sachs employees' lives will be forever altered. In addition to the physical change that will result from the new partner status-- their genitals will now a emit a light similar to that of a glowing orb, visible through dress pants-- here's what else the young princes and princesses of West Street can expect:

• A call from on high.
• Sandwiches in a conference room.
• The ability to get anyone you want on the phone without having to resort to groveling.
• A new expectation-- because of the bags of money-- that you'll be available to the firm, which can track your movements via the GPS installed in your golden scrot, at any time.

One of the senior management team telephones you to give you the happy news. The almost universal feeling, according to a number of people who have received such a call, is one of relief...So, you’ve achieved your dream and been made a partner. Now what? A party, of course. The 1976 partners’ dinner was held in the Hunt Room at the 21 Club on 52nd Street in New York, which is decorated with elk heads, guns and trophies. Times, however, have changed. In 2008, it was “half a day with some sandwiches and warm bottles of water on site”...One banker, who used to work at a rival bank, said it took him weeks to get a meeting with the chief executive, despite reporting directly to him. Things changed when he became a partner at Goldman Sachs: “Within half an hour of emailing our chief executive, I had an answer.”

You may think you have worked hard to be made partner but you ain’t seen nothing yet. One Goldman banker said that the firm demands such commitment that partners effectively have to make a choice of two of the following: work, family, friends or outside interests. One partner said it was worse than that. He left the bank to join a rival because he couldn’t stay at Goldman and attend to the needs of his family. Of his new employer, he said: “It was like the Cub Scouts compared to the Special Forces.”

Joining The Goldman Club [Financial News]