Hedge Funds Going Down For The Dirt Nap At Pace Not Seen Since Last Annus F*cking Horribilis For Hedge Funds

Author:
Bess Levin
Updated:
Jan 14, 2019
Original:
Dec 1, 2014

Hedge funds are shutting at a rate not seen since the financial crisis, as many managers post disappointing returns and the largest players dominate money raising...In the first half of the year, 461 funds closed, Chicago-based Hedge Fund Research Inc. said. If that pace continues, it will be the worst year for hedge fund closures since 2009, when there were 1,023 liquidations. [Bloomberg]

News

Perhaps, you thought, that the day Vikram Pandit was abruptly and unceremoniously fired from Citigroup was the end. That we'd lost him for good. That he'd retreat to the his Upper West Side manse and spend his days beefing up his Odd Couple memorabilia collection, or work on that novel about a love that dare not speak its name between a bank CEO and the analyst who only acted like she hated him, or build that Zen garden he'd always wanted that the fucks at Citi never let him have. That he was finished with Wall Street. Well fret not. Uncle Vik wouldn't never do that to you.

News

Ackman knows this much to be true.

News

Scratch that. It was a triflin' $11.62 billion. They can't even scrape together the money for the 'g'.

Hedge Funds Going Down For The Dirt Nap At Pace Not Seen Since Last Annus F*cking Horribilis For Hedge Funds

Monument To Morgan Stanley's Two Billion Dollar Oopsie To Go Down For The Dirt Nap

Dick Bové: Lloyd Blankfein To Go Down For The Dirt Nap

You Haven't Seen The Last Of Vikram Pandit

Hedge Fund Level Global Is Shutting Down

Hedge Funds Not Taking This Insider Trading Probe Lying Down!

Last Day To Nominate Your Favorite Hedge Fund IR Dime

Herbalife Would've Gone Down For The Dirt Nap Months Ago If Carl Icahn Had Minded His Own Business: Bill Ackman, Basically

Look At These Paupers: The 25 Highest Paid Hedge Fund Managers Of Last Year Made A Trifling $11.62 Billion