Earlier today, a man was given a platform to make some brief remarks and ended up telling a rambling story that surprised onlookers with its non-sequiturs, bizarre details, and, at times, volume. Was he doing so during a hearing in federal court or at a bar in downtown Manhattan (let's just call it The Patriot)? Based on the following clues, you tell us:
- The man name dropped many a super model he claimed to have worked with
- He bitched about his boss
- He worked in a story about getting into-- and winning-- a fistfight with his father when he was 16
- Not on this occasion but one past ones, he's been known to pair flip-flops with sweatpants
- He spoke of the marriage troubles/bedroom problems associated with having a wife 20 years one's junior
- There was a brief aside about coke
- He was told at least twice to keep it down, because he was yelling
If you guessed Investor Relations Exec Reading Statement At Sentencing For Insider Trading, that's correct! It could've been Insane Person At A Bar Telling His Life's Story, yes, but in this case it was Investor Relations Exec Reading Statement At Sentencing For Insider Trading.
Michael Lucarelli, the former Wall Street executive who ran out of his flip flops trying to escape reporters, kicked off a courtroom circus at his sentencing. Lucarelli, 52, was sentenced to two and a half years in prison on Wednesday after he pleaded guilty to using inside information to make nearly $1 million in fraudulent profits. But that was a sideshow compared to Lucarelli’s bizarre rant before Manhattan federal Judge Jesse Furman in which he blamed his former bosses for cheating him out of his commissions. He also talked up his bona fides as he bragged about working with super models Iman and Kathy Ireland and winning a fist fight with his father when he was 16. The former investor-relations honcho got so worked up as he read from a five-page typed statement that was told twice by Sullivan to stop yelling. Lucarelli also played the sympathy card, telling the judge that his marriage failed after he was hit and injured by a taxi. “I couldn’t perform my sexual duties, and she’s 20 years younger,” he said of the split from his wife two years ago. Lucarelli, the ex-director of market intelligence at Lippert/Heilshorn & Associates, admitted in September to using advance knowledge of clients’ upcoming quarterly results to profit from stock trades. “I considered this gambling,” he told Furman. “I did see information sometimes. Did it matter? I don’t know.” Lucarelli added that he tried to profit from inside information because he didn’t have health care or a retirement plan. He admitted earlier to abusing cocaine at the same time he started breaking the law in part to relieve his Crohn’s disease.
Furman didn’t buy his rational for turning to a life of crime, saying he was “minimizing to a degree that borders on denial.” “I have significant doubt about whether the defendant has ‘gotten it,’” the judge said...“His employer never paid him the commissions he was due,” McGinley added. “That drove him to start trading. And that was fueled then by the drugs he was taking and the Crohn’s disease.”