Goldman Sachs banker accused of rape going to trial in April; Time running out for Greece; "Man Posed As Cop To Cut Into Fast-Food Line"; and more.

$$$ Eurozone demands six-day week for Greece [Guardian] $$$ Hedge funds perplexed by negative Bund yield conundrum [Reuters] $$$ Money market funds want to buy negative-yielding securities, pass the savings on to you [FT] $$$ Moody's: U.S Banking Outlook Negative Despite Stronger Banks [WSJ] $$$ Matt Taibbi says a lot of wrong things about private equity, which is surprising for some reason [Term Sheet] $$$ Jim Cramer's Mad Money is more popular at 3am [NYP] $$$ Sands Capital Management is looking for a senior associate in Virginia for public and private equity, focusing on life sciences [DBCC] $$$ Andrew Ross Sorkin doesn't think you appreciate that Facebook has lost $50 billion in market cap. Let him say that again for emphasis: fifty billion. Fifty billion! [DealBook] $$$ Barclays fired some people for manipulating Libor [Reuters] $$$ "IPhone Price Cuts Send Bond Inflation Bets To 11-Year Low" [Bloomberg] $$$ Felix Salmon's friends spend $410mm a year on wine [Reuters] $$$ Judge Orders Sex-Change Operation for Federal Prisoner [Law Blog] $$$ Fifty billion!

$$$ "Bernanke Signals Readiness to Do More" [WSJ] $$$ "Judgment Days Arrive for Euro Crisis" [WSJ] $$$ Spain To Recapitalize Bankia After 4.45 Billion-Euro Loss [Bloomberg] $$$ Nomura’s Failed Global Ambitions [DealBook] $$$ Quebec Whodunit: 1/4 of Province’s Syrup Reserves Go Missing [WSJ] $$$ That’s it for us today. We’re off Monday for the holiday, enjoy the long weekend and see you on Tuesday! $$$ A global investment bank is looking for an experienced metals options trader in New York [DBCC] $$$ Facebook hits new low after price target cuts [Reuters] $$$ Here is some hedge fund Weltschmerz [FT] $$$ Here is a really depressing story about student loans [NYT] $$$ Some people still don't like PowerPoint [BBW] $$$ "In general, rabbits preferred the higher resolution of the MacBook, whereas squirrels favored the larger screen of the Toshiba. Chipmunks were too hyperactive to linger around either device, even though I sprinkled the keyboards liberally with birdseed, which chipmunks seem to enjoy far more than birds do. I do not recommend this practice ..." [NYT]

$$$ Citigroup Said to Cut Investment Bankers’ Bonuses by 20% [Bloomberg] $$$ HSBC to Pay $249 Million in Foreclosure Settlement [WSJ] $$$ "For most of its history, Dell appears to have followed advice from investment banks — advice that ill-served long-term shareholders to the benefit of corporate executives. The company paid out billions of dollars to buy back stock, and only last year began to distribute some of the money to shareholders who chose to stick with it rather than bail out. It has spent more money on share repurchases than it earned throughout its life as a public company. Most of those repurchases were at prices well above current levels." [NYT] $$$ Matt Yglesias on the Fed: "There's no solving for the desired result. There's just a presentation of a scenario and then a bunch of chit chat and discussion of operational details." [Slate] $$$ Vibrator With 3 Balls Can’t Win EU Trademark, Court Says [Bloomberg] $$$ Levin Report on JPMorgan Whale Said to Fault Regulator [Bloomberg] $$$ Assured Guaranty Cut by Moody’s on Muni Insurance Outlook [Bloomberg] $$$ All Dutch securities have been dematerialized [FTAV] $$$ Chinese labour pool begins to drain [FT] $$$ A sonnet version of the Diff'rent Strokes theme song [VC]

Pump and dump scams on the rise; Billionaires battle in the Bahamas; "Ohio man fined $500 for zombie nativity scene"; and more.