Uncle Vickles is back in the game.

While he’s not teaching GED courses to fellow inmates, doing laundry for the child molesters in his cell unit and dreaming about vodka-pissing statues, Dennis Kozlowski is busy trying to repair his reputation. He’s given interviews to Morley Safer and other journalists and has been a model prisoner since he was convicted of fraud in 2005. Koz is also, apparently, reading books about himself and now he’s suing billionaire Steve Forbes for what he claims are false and defamatory comments in in Forbes' 2009 book "Power, Ambition, Glory: The Stunning Parallels Between Great Leaders of the Ancient World and Today ... and the Lessons You Can Learn."

After he was unceremoniously fired from his post at the newly formed Bank of America Merrill Lynch, for reasons that included paying out big bonuses to ML executives and decorating his office with $1,500 garbage cans, John Thain understood that he would have to recede from the limelight for a bit. Take a job at a smaller firm and keep his head down for a while. Spend more time with his honeybees. Get back to his fighting weight. Drink a raw egg for breakfast every day. Run up and down the stairs of the Met. Work in a hideously decorated space, no matter how much it hurt.  Win some awards. Get his confidence back. Let people miss him. Well, Thain did all that. And now? He's ready for you to make him an offer. Thain, currently the CEO of a small lending outfit called CIT Group, has been quietly shopping the firm to a larger player with the goal of selling possibly to a big bank and emerging as a candidate to run the bigger company, according to investment bankers with direct knowledge of the matter. Bankers say Thain began putting out feelers to sell CIT after the firm failed in its bid to purchase ING Direct earlier in the year. “They've been shopping themselves off and on because they have virtually no deposit base and thus no low-cost source of funds to run their business,” said one banker at a major firm with knowledge of CIT’s activities. “Thain may also be putting out feelers, trying to get a drumbeat going. Who knows, but it's certain he's up to something.” Anyone want to give him a big boy bank (or something) to run? Read more: http://www.foxbusiness.com/business-leaders/2012/09/24/thain-shopping-cit-group-around/#ixzz27QKGqqhE Looking For A Comeback, John Thain Shops CIT [FBN]

Carsten Kengeter, who finds inspiration in interesting places, has been replaced by Bear Stearns alum Sam Molinaro.

Breathe easy, friends of Bob Diamond and the guy who wrote "Anything for you, Big Boy," as a response to the request, "Can you manipulate Libor for me today when you've got a sec? Thanks a mill." In this case we speak of Rachael Claire Martin, the ex-Barlcays employee who used customer funds to pay for breast augmentations, dental work, liposuction, drugs, alcohol, shoes, and jewelry, despite initially telling authorities she covered the tricks and treats with money she earned engaging in sex for payment (an excuse anyone facing questioning for their own alleged misconduct should feel free to use. Just because one judge didn't buy it doesn't mean another won't). Mother-of-one and law graduate Rachael Martin, 24, ‘spent money like water' after getting a job with Barclays in Liskeard, Cornwall, where she was responsible for dealing with cheques. The stolen cash paid for a breast enlargement, thought to be worth £4,000, dental work worth £1,700, and liposuction, as well as nights out, drink and drugs. She has now been jailed after stealing £46,000 in just two months from her employers. Extravagances included £1,687.95 at the Windsor Place dental surgery in Liskeard, and £500 on unspecified cosmetic surgery at Harley Medical, the court heard. Martin also lavished £670 at exclusive jewellers Tiffany, and £506 on a pair of Jimmy Choo shoes. When she was arrested, Martin, from St Austell in Cornwall, told police she earned money as an escort in Bristol, adding that she was ‘a common prostitute’. But the claim was a cover for her criminal behaviour, said prosecutor Iain Leadbetter. Recorder Jeremy Wright jailed Martin, who has an eight-year-old son, for 52 weeks, telling her she had demonstrated a ‘concerted, clever and serious breach of trust'. Bank worker, 24, who stole £46,000 to fund boob job and party lifestyle told police she earned the money working as an escort [DM]

If you know anyone who's interested.

For about a year now, Bernie Madoff has been holding court with various members of the press about something that's been plaguing him: the fact that few people if any are willing to give credit where credit is due. Yes, he may have pleaded guilty to a $50 billion crime that ruined countless people's lives, including those of his wife and children, one of whom committed suicide as a result, but he did a lot of other stuff too, like run a "successful business" for which he won lots of "industry awards" during his "legitimate years." And, yet, everyone seems to forget all that when his name comes up, much like they conveniently forgot about how Mussolini made the trains run or time, or how Hitler built those wonderful autobahns, or how Ted Bundy made women feel special. And since he's serving a 150 year sentence, Berns has had lots of time to ponder why his years of legitimate achievements go unmentioned and the one thing he keeps coming back to? Irving Picard, who's pulled a fast one on you all, by suggesting that Bernie's crime started wayyyyy before it did, when, in fact, Madoff Securities was only running a Ponzi scheme for barely even 20 years. Examine the evidence Madoff shared with Forbes contributor Diana B. Henriques via email: Jan. 17, 2011 11:05 A.M. … Also remember that the U.S. Attorney admitted that they had no evidence that the crime started in the 80’s and could establish that Montauk and the N.Y. homes in Ruth’s name were not purchased with tainted funds … Mar. 10, 2011 7:35 A.M. … I would love to know what evidence [Picard] has to date my crime back to 1983 … THE FACT IS THAT THERE IS NONE. 8:05 A.M. … I say once again the fraud started in the 90’s … Mar. 18, 2011 9:26 A.M. … I guess I’m obsessed with this START OF CRIME ISSUE. Don't you see, idiots of the media?! That's the real issue here. Not the crime itself but the start of the crime. Do the math. Oct. 11, 2011 7:20 A.M. ... You can do a back of the envelope calculation as follows. From 1963 I made substantial arbitrage profits for the Picower, Shapiro and Chais families joined by the Levy family in 1970. [M]ost of these profits were re­invested and the amounts compounded. In 1970 Saul Alpern formed his partnerships later [run] by Avellino and Bienes. In 1980 I started trading for [French banker] Albert Igoin and his French and Swiss banking associates. All of these accounts averaged about 20% annually and were involved in various forms of convertible arb using bonds, pfds [preferreds], Rts. [rights] and units. [A]nd ALL WERE LEGITIMATE TRADING. THIS CONTINUED THRU THE EARLY 90’S. Nov. 24, 2011 6:51 P.M. … When you look at my RIDDLE [in the Nov. 23 letter], consider the fact that there was in fact no crime until I did not have enough capital in the firm to cover the losses. There is your real STORY The interesting thing here is not that there was an 11-figure fraud, okay? The interesting thing is how long the 11-figure fraud went on. And it stinks to high hell that that slippery fuck Picard and Co. are claiming it dates back to 1983 and that you're all buying it, hook, line and sinker. Come on, people. They're lawyers. Who are you gonna trust, them or a Ponzi schemer? But don't feel sorry for Bernie. Feel sorry for yourselves, for what could have been and what never was. Near the end of that e-mail the clouds of self-deception close in again, and Madoff turns himself into a pitiful martyr: “I made the tragic mistake of trying to change the way money was managed and was successful at the start, but lost my way after a while and refused to admit that I failed at one point.” HE WAS TRYING TO THE WAY MONEY WAS MANAGED! A legitimate way to make Ponzi scheme payments, before it was tragically snuffed out. Oct. 11, 2011 7:36 A.M. … I will never get over the distortions being presented by everyone as to the poor and now homeless when in fact they all signed documents when opening their accounts that they were sophisticated and had enough wealth to withstand the possible losses of short term trading. I wish I had saved the hundreds of letters I received thanking me for how I was responsible for their happiness over the years and their pleading with me to keep their accounts open when I tried to close them … when I worried about the wreckage I might cause if I couldn’t recover. Is the REAL STORY that the investor agreements specifically authorized BLMIS to make Ponzi scheme payments (a totally legitimate type of securities transaction, a short term trade if you will)? Unless someone pulls their head out of their ass, the world will never know. Exclusive: The Secret Madoff Prison Letters [Forbes]