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Opening Bell: 3.18.15

Greece; Herbalife, Tim Sykes; Geese.
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Herbalife wins dismissal of U.S. 'pyramid scheme' lawsuit (Reuters)
U.S. District Judge Dale Fischer in Los Angeles said on Monday that shareholders led by two pension funds did not show that questions raised about Herbalife's business by hedge fund manager William Ackman and various investigators showed that the company had fraudulently inflated its stock price.

How to Make Millions by Marketing Yourself as a ‘Douche Bag’ (Bloomberg)
Tim Sykes has a lot of advice for the people who aspire to be as wealthy as he is. Today, the chubby-cheeked 33-year-old has a characteristically strange suggestion: self-harm. “I want everyone to take your hands,” he says into the camera lens of his laptop, “and smack yourself in the face!”

IMF Considers Greece Its Most Unhelpful Client Ever (Bloomberg)
In a short and bad-tempered conference call on Tuesday, officials from the IMF, the European Central Bank and the European Commission complained that Greek officials aren’t adhering to a bailout extension deal reached in February or cooperating with creditors, said the people, who asked not to be identified because the call was private.

Technical Talks on Greece’s Bailout Not Going Well, Officials Say (WSJ)
A Greek official said the technical teams had gone beyond their role as fact-finders and had sought to intervene in politics, continuing a frequent line of complaint from Athens about the so-called troika of inspectors. The technical work is key to figuring out when Greece may run out of money and whether the rest of the eurozone is prepared to provide further support to the left-wing government.

British Airways Flight Reportedly Forced To Land Because Of 'Smelly Poo' (HP)
A British Airways flight that was traveling to Dubai on Thursday night instead returned to England when a "smelly poo" in the toilet made continuing to the final destination untenable, according to the Mirror. The decision to turn back came just 30 minutes into the 7-hour flight, the Telegraph reports.

Fed to Markets: No More Promises (WSJ)
The Federal Reserve is about to inject uncertainty back into financial markets after spending years trying to calm investors’ nerves with explicit assurances that interest rates would remain low. Ahead of their policy meeting that ends Wednesday, Fed officials have signaled they want to drop the latest iteration in a succession of low-rate promises—a line in their policy statement pledging to be “patient” before deciding to raise rates.

Sweden’s Central Bank Cuts Repo Rate to Minus 0.25% (WSJ)
Sweden’s central bank on Wednesday cut its main interest rate further into negative territory and said it is increasing its bond buying program to counter recent krona appreciation.

Many Blackstone M&A bankers expected to depart ahead of spin off to Taubman (Reuters)
More than half of the 17 senior managing directors working in Blackstone Group LP's mergers and acquisitions advisory arm may leave as the business is combined with the advisory firm headed by star Wall Street investment banker Paul Taubman, according to people familiar with the matter. Some of the bankers have decided to move elsewhere or retire, while others have lost out to people doing similar jobs at Taubman's PJT Capital LP, the sources said.

Goose Survives Dart Through Head (HP)
Some feathers were ruffled in Georgia when a loose goose was found with a dart through its head. Sandy Springs woman Meg Harrison told WSB-TV she was at Arlington Memorial Cemetery on Tuesday when she saw the injured animal and reported it. Though Gilbert was clearly unable to duck out of the way of the dart, it would appear the goose is doing swimmingly now. AWARE Wildlife Center said they plan to pick up Gilbert and rehabilitate the bird.

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Greece's Conservatives Start Coalition Talks (WSJ) Greece's conservative leader Antonis Samaras, whose New Democracy party came first in a crucial election Sunday, is set to meet the main opposition leader, radical left Syriza's Alexis Tsipras, to start the formal process of coalition-building talks. Mr. Samaras saw the Greek president of the republic earlier Monday and received the formal mandate to start coalition-building talks, as his party is 21 seats shy of an absolute majority in the 300-seat parliament. The talks with Mr. Tsipras are purely a formality, as the radical left leader made it plain Sunday night that he wouldn't join a coalition with New Democracy. "Don't expect any surprises, this is a formal procedure. Mr. Samaras has to see the leader of the second party first, that's the protocol," Syriza's spokesman said. Greek Election Defuses One Crisis, but More Lurk (NYT) “Unless they make a radical change, we will be back with another Greek cliffhanger in three or four months’ time,” said Darren Williams, a European economist at AllianceBernstein in London. Wilbur Ross: Real Question For Greece Is What Now (CNBC) Ross also said the government has to improve tax collection for a more permanent solution to the country’s debt problems and said higher revenues would allow the country to ease up on austerity measures. “The tax avoidance in Greece — including by government officials — is ridiculous. The black economy is a ridiculously high percentage,” he said. “Those are the problems they have to deal with and if they can deal with those than more limited austerity is what’s needed.” Europe Gets Emerging Market Crisis Ultimatum As G-20 Meet (Bloomberg) As elections in Greece reduced the immediate risk of the euro area’s breakup, China and Indonesia signaled growing exasperation with more than two years of European crisis- fighting that has failed to stem the threat of global contagion. World Bank President Robert Zoellick said that policy makers bungled their attempt to rescue Spain’s banks. CUNY biz school fixed Wall Streeters' GPAs to keep receiving tuition (NYP) An internal CUNY probe found the course grades of “approximately 15 students” were falsified to keep their GPAs high enough to stay in the programs, Baruch officials acknowledged. The trickery prevented enrollees, including many mid-level Wall Streeters whose firms picked up their tabs, from flunking out — and kept their tuition checks flowing in. The accelerated “executive programs” in business and finance allow students to earn a master’s degree in 10 to 22 months while working full-time. The tuition: $45,000 to $75,000. Baruch has referred the matter to law-enforcement agencies, the college said in a statement. Spokeswoman Christina Latouf would not say if students knew their grades were being changed or were complicit in the scheme. But Baruch has started calling some recent graduates with disturbing news: Their sheepskins are invalid. “What do you mean? My diploma’s on my wall. How can you tell me I don’t have a degree?” one grad said, according to a source...Zicklin officials gave a sales pitch for prospective students last week, but directors and professors made no mention of the problems. Instead, they promised “respected and well-recognized” degrees that would put grads on the path to become chief executives and financial officers. “This is a master’s program on steroids,” one said. Pressure Mounts On Credit Suisse Chief (FT) Investors and analysts have already grown impatient in the past 12 months over Mr Dougan’s efforts to improve the bank’s profitability and cost base, which are lagging behind rivals in Europe. Although they do not question Mr. Dougan’s credentials as a bank manager, they say that a capital raising now would make it difficult for him to stay in his job. Not only would shareholders resent the dilution, but the change of tack would undermine his strategy in recent years of making generous dividend payouts, in contrast to rivals, which have used a larger share of profits to boost capital. Dollar Shortage Seen In $2 Trillion Gap Says Morgan Stanley (Bloomberg) After falling to an all-time low of 60.5 percent in the second quarter of last year, the dollar’s share of global reserves rose 1.6 percentage points to 62.1 percent in December, the latest International Monetary Fund figures show. The buying has left the private sector with $2 trillion less than it needs, according to investment-flow data by Morgan Stanley, which sees the dollar gaining 8.2 percent in 2012, the most in seven years. App Developers Too Young To Drive (WSJ) Paul Dunahoo went on a business trip to San Francisco last week, where he attended technical sessions at Apple Inc.'s AAPL +0.45% developer conference, networked with other programmers and received feedback from Apple engineers on his six productivity apps. Then, Mr. Dunahoo, chief executive of Bread and Butter Software LLC, returned to Connecticut to get ready for the eighth grade. 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Clad in a comfy cotton dress, a baggy flannel shirt and bright scarf, Avital ignored the warning and marched aboard anyway. "I didn't want to let the representative's Big Feelings about my breasts change the way I intended to board my flight," she told Jezebel. "And lo and behold, the plane didn't fall out of the sky... my cleavage did not interfere with the plane's ability to function properly." Avital slammed the Southwest for "slut shaming," and said a man on her flight had on a provocative piece of clothing, but wasn't hassled. "The guy sitting in front of me on the plane was wearing a shirt with an actual Trojan condom embedded behind a clear plastic applique and had no trouble getting on his flight," she said.

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