Stress Tests '15: Mike Corbat Gets To Keep His Job, Brian Moynihan Would Love To Catch A Break One Of These Days

Part II of the Fed's stress tests results are out and the good news is that 28 banks passed and Mike Corbat can unpack his things. The less good news is that Brian Moynihan's silent prayer to get lucky just once, just to see what it feels like, was not granted.
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The last couple weeks have been quite to very stressful for Citigroup chief exec Mike Corbat who, it was decided, could not survive in his gig for look should Citi fail another test. Despite the bank bringing a guy out of retirement for the specific purpose of helping it pass, nothing was for certain. Luckily for Corbat, those potted plants and pencils he threw in a box this afternoon just in case he had to leave in a hurry can be returned to their places on his desk.

Citigroup Inc. got the green light from the Fed to potentially increase its dividend for the first time since the financial crisis, a major victory for Chief Executive Michael Corbat after the firm failed the test again last year, marking its second failure in three years.

Sadly, luck was not on the side of Deutsche Bank, Banco Santander, and Brian Moynihan, the latter of whom would probably love to shout, "Fuck it I quit" but who will hold it together for a little while longer.

Twenty-eight of 31 large banks received Federal Reserve approval to return capital to investors on Wednesday but only after some of the biggest Wall Street firms came perilously close to failing the regulator’s annual “stress test.” A 29th firm, Bank of America Corp., received conditional approval of its capital plan and can move forward with boosting dividends or stock buybacks, but must resubmit its proposal to address “certain weaknesses” including its ability to measure losses and revenue, the Fed said. If the Fed isn’t satisfied with the firm’s revised plan the regulator can later restrict these capital distributions.

Federal Reserve Rejects 2 Banks’ Capital Plans in Annual ‘Stress Tests’ [WSJ]

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Layoffs Watch '12: Brian Moynihan Wasn't Joking About Cutting Thousands Of Employees

Would've been quite the gag but no, he was serious, in case there was a question in anyone's mind. Wall Street workers got another warning shot across the bow as the nation’s biggest banks gear up to report third-quarter results beginning today. Bank of America chief Brian Moynihan yesterday said that he planned to make good on a springtime plan to cut a whopping 30,000 workers from the sprawling Charlotte, NC-based bank’s work force. “As we continue to get through the mortgage issues at Countrywide, you’ll see the head count come down substantially,” Moynihan told Bloomberg Television. Moynihan has been struggling to put the lumbering bank on a diet and shed nonessential businesses and workers in an effort to reverse the course embarked upon by his predecessor, Ken Lewis. The former CEO hastily gobbled up mortgage giant Countrywide Financial and Merrill Lynch at the height of the financial crisis. In a plan dubbed “New BAC,” Moynihan’s pink-slip program will trim 10 percent from its work force of 275,000. [NYP]

Brian Moynihan Is Walking On Sunshine

The BofA chief is pretty much having the best day ever. Not to get ahead of ourselves, but his IT guys are THISCLOSE to registering www.brianmoynihnanDOESNTsuck.com before one of his fans can.