Germany doesn't see Greece deal happening any time soon; Bill Gross says Bunds bet was 'well timed, not well executed'; The ghost of Lehman Brothers; "Man Named Bacon Assaults Person For Eating Sausage"; and more.

Grexit; Goldman; "Scientists create seaweed that tastes like bacon"; and more.

$$$ Osborne lobbies Geithner on StanChart [FT] $$$ Carlyle to Acquire Asset Manager TCW From SocGen [WSJ] $$$ Goldman Cleared in Mortgage Investigation [DealBook] $$$ Manchester United prices IPO below range, valuing club at $2.3 billion [Reuters] $$$ DC Man Orders TV From Amazon, Gets Assault Rifle Instead [USAT] $$$ A New York boutique firm is looking for a special situation analyst to analyze its special situations [DBCC] $$$ Yahoo May Reverse Alibaba Cash Plans [WSJ] $$$ Chesapeake Energy in U.S. antitrust probe [Reuters] $$$ U.S. Text Messaging Champion Is $50,000 Richer [BW] $$$ Naked Man Covered in Crisco Told Police He was ‘Looking for a Place to Party’ [Gawker]

$$$ European Economic Outlook Dims Amid Leaders’ Impasse [NYT] $$$ U.S. Bank Lending Falls, Profits Rise [WSJ] $$$ Buffett’s Goldman Deal Is Topic in an Insider Case [DealBook] $$$ Study Finds Germans Incapable of Enjoying Life [Der Spiegel] $$$ This happened: New York nun asks Blankfein if he'll hire her, Blankfein says "I don't think I couldoutbid your current employer" #godswork— Tracy Alloway (@tracyalloway) May 24, 2012 $$$ Man who formerly claimed to be a "certified member of the quiet society of pimps" and asked to be certified as an expert witness in pimpology now says "I was a failure as a pimp. I was a much better car salesman, I was a much better telemarketer, I was much better when I was selling mortgages by phone. I really wasn't very good at it. A lot of it was exaggerated." [NYP, earlier] $$$ A leading electronic trading platform is looking for a CDS / fixed income sales associate [DBCC] $$$ Big European funds dump euro assets [FT] $$$ Facebook market makers' losses total at least $100 million [Reuters] $$$ This is some enjoyable Eliot Spitzer schadenfreude [Concurring Opinions] $$$ "The festival features 10 different types of bacon, plus all things bacon — bacon sausage, bacon meatballs, bacon doughnuts, bacon butterscotch cupcakes — even a walking slab of bacon! There’s a bacon-eating contest, bacon lectures and a bacon song contest — and yes, there’s a crowning of the Bacon Queen! Contestants are asked questions like their favorite memory of bacon, their favorite kind of bacon and their favorite way to cook bacon (the most common answer is “naked,” incidentally)." [CNBC] $$$ Unabomber lists self as ‘prisoner’ in Harvard directory [Boston Globe]

Greece, Greece, Greece; Duff beer; Rate hike; "Judge frees jailed kids who refused to have lunch with dad"; and more.

$$$ NGDP-targeting inventor Scott Sumner is celebrating [Money Illusion] $$$ The Fed will buy over half of all new agency MBS [Sober Look] $$$ Ray Dalio describes the machine [Free Exchange, CFR] $$$ Bank complexity makes Sally Krawcheck "weep blood out of [her] eyes" [DealBook] $$$ Greece to Lease 40 Uninhabited Islands to Reduce Debt [Bloomberg] $$$ Efficient Markets Theory Can Save You From A Grizzly Death By Botched Penile Enlargement [Slate] $$$ BlackRock is looking for a director of global mobility in San Francisco [DBCC] $$$ Deutsche Bank urges rivals to share IT [FT] $$$ Fairfax Case Against Morgan Keegan, Exis Dismissed [Bloomberg] $$$ The Volcker Rule's ban on short-term prop trading will prevent AIG from buying and holding long-term assets for some reason [DealBook] $$$ You only have six more months to buy giant sodas in New York City [NYT] $$$ "The Author in Fancy Dress as a Side of Bacon, designed by himself, which took the First Prize of Forty Guineas at the Covent Garden Fancy Dress Ball, April 1894." [Retronaut]

China easing; Dalio says Fed will ease; "Woman drinks an entire £120 bottle of cognac at airport security because liquids aren't allowed in hand luggage"; and more.

Biotech company vs its founder; Petco IPO; CFO pay; Citi probe; "Pissed-Off Man Dumps Urine On Teen's Head, Police Say"; and more.