Germany doesn't see Greece deal happening any time soon; Bill Gross says Bunds bet was 'well timed, not well executed'; The ghost of Lehman Brothers; "Man Named Bacon Assaults Person For Eating Sausage"; and more.

Biotech company vs its founder; Petco IPO; CFO pay; Citi probe; "Pissed-Off Man Dumps Urine On Teen's Head, Police Say"; and more.

Greece still getting no love from Germany; Alibaba not TBTF; "Man Fleeing Assault Charges Foiled By Own Selfie"; AND MORE.

$$$ Fed Sees Action if Growth Doesn't Pick Up Soon [WSJ] $$$ Greece will need more debt restructuring - EU officials [Reuters] $$$ Outlook Cut Could Stiffen Berlin's Opposition to Aid [Der Spiegel] $$$ Apple Falls Short Of Analysts’ Expectations Amid IPhone Slump [Bloomberg] $$$ Loeb Buys More Yahoo Shares for $39.5 Million [CNBC] $$$ Plane towing "Will You Marry Me?" banner crashes off RI [CBS] $$$ Nomura is looking for an operations associate in New York, if you're interested [DBCC] $$$ Bond Trading Loses Some Swagger Amid Upheaval [NYT] $$$ Bridgewater Sees ‘Dangerous Dynamic’ As Largest Economies Slow [Bloomberg] $$$ Google agrees EU antitrust deal outline [FT] $$$ 'Hockey mom madam's' partner files papers to have case dismissed [NYP] $$$ Sometimes one subway train leaves before the other subway train; other times, the other subway train leaves first [City Room]

$$$ Osborne lobbies Geithner on StanChart [FT] $$$ Carlyle to Acquire Asset Manager TCW From SocGen [WSJ] $$$ Goldman Cleared in Mortgage Investigation [DealBook] $$$ Manchester United prices IPO below range, valuing club at $2.3 billion [Reuters] $$$ DC Man Orders TV From Amazon, Gets Assault Rifle Instead [USAT] $$$ A New York boutique firm is looking for a special situation analyst to analyze its special situations [DBCC] $$$ Yahoo May Reverse Alibaba Cash Plans [WSJ] $$$ Chesapeake Energy in U.S. antitrust probe [Reuters] $$$ U.S. Text Messaging Champion Is $50,000 Richer [BW] $$$ Naked Man Covered in Crisco Told Police He was ‘Looking for a Place to Party’ [Gawker]

Blackstone to pay huge dividend; Wall Street already betting on 2016; GoPro CEO is rich; "Police: Man on flakka claimed to be Thor, sexually assaulted a tree"; and more.

$$$ European Economic Outlook Dims Amid Leaders’ Impasse [NYT] $$$ U.S. Bank Lending Falls, Profits Rise [WSJ] $$$ Buffett’s Goldman Deal Is Topic in an Insider Case [DealBook] $$$ Study Finds Germans Incapable of Enjoying Life [Der Spiegel] $$$ This happened: New York nun asks Blankfein if he'll hire her, Blankfein says "I don't think I couldoutbid your current employer" #godswork— Tracy Alloway (@tracyalloway) May 24, 2012 $$$ Man who formerly claimed to be a "certified member of the quiet society of pimps" and asked to be certified as an expert witness in pimpology now says "I was a failure as a pimp. I was a much better car salesman, I was a much better telemarketer, I was much better when I was selling mortgages by phone. I really wasn't very good at it. A lot of it was exaggerated." [NYP, earlier] $$$ A leading electronic trading platform is looking for a CDS / fixed income sales associate [DBCC] $$$ Big European funds dump euro assets [FT] $$$ Facebook market makers' losses total at least $100 million [Reuters] $$$ This is some enjoyable Eliot Spitzer schadenfreude [Concurring Opinions] $$$ "The festival features 10 different types of bacon, plus all things bacon — bacon sausage, bacon meatballs, bacon doughnuts, bacon butterscotch cupcakes — even a walking slab of bacon! There’s a bacon-eating contest, bacon lectures and a bacon song contest — and yes, there’s a crowning of the Bacon Queen! Contestants are asked questions like their favorite memory of bacon, their favorite kind of bacon and their favorite way to cook bacon (the most common answer is “naked,” incidentally)." [CNBC] $$$ Unabomber lists self as ‘prisoner’ in Harvard directory [Boston Globe]

Greece, Greece, Greece; Duff beer; Rate hike; "Judge frees jailed kids who refused to have lunch with dad"; and more.