Warren Buffett is making you fat; Female exec pay is really, really bad; Munger mocks Greeks; Kraft/Heinz; Man puts cardboard cutout of Dos Equis guy in passenger seat so he can use carpool lane; and more.

$2.6 billion Morgan Stanley settlement; Citigroup maybe money laundering; Meredith Whitney; Floating strip club; AND MORE.

Dudley not sure about rate hike; Ackman losses; Business network gains; BlackRock wants millennials; "Florida Woman Said She Was Kidnapped To Get Out Of Work"; and more.

Regulators to put HSBC out of its misery; "Morgan Stanley's Hunger Games-inspired video they don't want you to see"; JPM will not breakup; Crab snatched by octopus in dry land sneak attack; AND MORE.

$$$ Morgan Stanley wants all of Citi venture [Reuters] $$$ NYSE CEO Duncan Niederauer is not above gloating about BATS [CNBC via BI] $$$ Fannie and Freddie: Slashing Mortgages Is Good Business [ProPublica] $$$ Proposed names for Disney's Seven Dwarfs included Burpy, Hotsy, Shifty, Wistful, Doleful, Woeful, and Biggo-Ego [Lists of Note] $$$ JPMorgan is looking for a credit risk manager to cover banks and broker-dealers [DBCC] $$$ SEC demands Wells Fargo comply with subpoenas [Reuters] $$$ Lehman Ex-Broker Sentenced in Insider Case [WSJ] $$$ Ex-NBA Player Indicted on Ponzi Charges [WSJ] $$$ About forty people got out of their cars along Interstate 270 in Maryland and helped themselves to $5,795 in cash that fell out of an unsecured armored truck. ... Police are offering amnesty to anyone who returns the cash, but only $100 has been handed over so far. Heather Kelly described the scene on 270 to the AP: “It was in the traffic lanes and on the shoulders and just generally kind of like a snow globe of cash." [DI] $$$ Lacrosse players say the sport rewards the kind of determination required to do well on Wall Street. “By and large, lacrosse players aren’t necessarily the best athletes in the country,” says Joe Lizzio, a former Cornell player and co-founder of CapRok Capital. “We don’t have huge vertical leaps or run the 40 [meter dash] in 4.4 seconds.” The best lacrosse players “are smart kids that put in the long hours,” adds Cummings. “The same goes for finance, where you’re going to do well if you can outwork the other guy.” Another common attribute of lacrosse players is the kind of privileged upbringing that might have led them to banking careers even if they had never touched a stick. [BW]

$$$ G8 leaders urged to focus talks on growth [FT] $$$ JPMorgan Returned $168M To MF Global, Trustee Says [Bloomberg] $$$ Chesapeake Cuts Board Compensation [WSJ] $$$ Ben Horowitz: MBAs aren't as bad as everyone thinks [PandoDaily] $$$ Bloomberg TV's Matt Miller vents about Nasdaq FB glitches to NYSE traders [Bloomberg TV] $$$ Boston radio talk show host Howie Carr released evidence that appears to confirm [Elizabeth] Warren may have plagiarized at least three of the five recipes she submitted to the 1984 Pow Wow Chow cookbook edited by her cousin Candy Rowsey. Two of the possibly plagiarized recipes, said in the Pow Wow Chow cookbook to have been passed down through generations of Oklahoma Native American members of the Cherokee tribe, are described in a New York Times News Service story as originating at Le Pavilion, a fabulously expensive French restaurant in Manhattan. The dishes were said to be particular favorites of the Duke and Duchess of Windsor and Cole Porter. The two recipes, "Cold Omelets with Crab Meat" and "Crab with Tomato Mayonnaise Dressing," appear in an article titled “Cold Omelets with Crab Meat,” written by Pierre Franey of the New York Times News Service that was published in the August 22, 1979 edition of the Virgin Islands Daily News ... [Breitbart via DI] $$$ Morgan Stanley is looking for a VP in Global Regulatory Policy in New York [DBCC] $$$ JPMorgan to be haunted by change in risk model [Reuters] $$$ JPMorgan unit has $100bn of risky bonds [FT] $$$ Galleon prosecutor aims to cement legacy in U.S. Gupta trial $$$ The government should fine the hell out of Rajat Gupta instead of criminally prosecuting him [Slate] $$$ Cannibal allowed to leave mental hospital for a stroll, just four years after he beheaded and ate sleeping bus passenger [Daily Mail]

Credit Suisse chief on the way out; HSBC still in troubs; Goldman Sachs love emojis; Marijuana on the loose; AND MORE.