Mike Mayo wants Citi, BofA, Comerica to shrink faster; Argentina's holdout saga is over; British pub offers women help with Tinder dates 'gone wrong'; and more.

$$$ Jack Lew sworn in as Treasury secretary [Reuters] $$$ JPMorgan CEO Dimon: 'We Need a Big Plan' [FBN] $$$ Hedge fund in 'Whale' trade tried to poach JPM employees [Reuters] $$$ JPMorgan Traders Lost on 41 Days as ‘London Whale’ Unwinds [Bloomberg] $$$ "After four and a half intense and wonderful years as CEO of Groupon, I've decided that I'd like to spend more time with my family. Just kidding - I was fired today." [CT] $$$ Telepathic rats solve problems together [FT] $$$ A major investment bank is looking for a sector coverage head for Food/Consumer/Retail commercial banking [DBCC] $$$ Bank of China Eyes Expansion Into U.S. Securitization [WSJ] $$$ US watchdog set to weaken derivatives rules [FT] $$$ Girls Gone Wild is bankrupt [NetNet / John Carney] $$$ Regional jets really suck [WSJ] $$$ Maxine Waters: 'Over 170 Million Jobs Could Be Lost' Due To Sequestration [YouTube]

$$$ Fed's Early Minutes Release Went to Some Banks [WSJ] $$$ Ex-SAC Trader Gets Court Permission for African Honeymoon [DealBook] $$$ Dimon Sees More Regulator Scrutiny After Whale Loss [Bloomberg] $$$ FBI found KPMG auditor via golf buddy, his lawyer says [Reuters] $$$ Goldman deal with union group lets Blankfein keep dual roles [Reuters] $$$ Underdog Undergrads From Jersey City Win Investing Competition [MarketBeat] $$$ Dodd-Frank 'Written in Anger,' Needs Fixing: Chamber CEO [CNBC] $$$ Chaos of rulings on toxic CDOs means uncertainty for investors [Reuters] $$$ Bank Investors Press Breakups to Add Value, Burnell Says [Bloomberg] $$$ 'Warehouse Games': Base Metals Supply Crunch on the Horizon? [AOL Energy] $$$ S&P, TrueEX Team Up on CDS Futures [WSJ] $$$ Beyonce and Jay-Z Cuba Trip Called ‘Educational’ by Treasury [Bloomberg]

$$$ Happy Birthday, Jamie Dimon [DealBook] $$$ There's a pope [DI] $$$ EU May Put Short-Term Bank Creditors in Firing Line for Losses [Bloomberg] $$$ End Looming for Paper Certificates [WSJ] $$$ Is Insider Selling A Concern? (No) [TBP] $$$ I Emailed the CEO of Bank of America to Fix My Credit Score (And He Did) [The Billfold] $$$ A high frequency trading fund is looking for a senior compliance officer in New York [DBCC] $$$ Former Pimco Executive Files, Then Withdraws, Suit Alleging Misconduct [DealBook] $$$ Lehman creditors can question 'London Whale' - judge [Reuters] $$$ New Dell suitors don't make much sense [Fortune] $$$ Goldman Sachs ventures west for annual meeting in Salt Lake City [Reuters] $$$ New York City to Ban Awls [The Awl]

$$$ David Einhorn is at the final table of the $1mm buy-in no-limit hold-em event at the World Series of Poker [ESPN] $$$ Police search Sarkozy home and offices [FT] $$$ JPMorgan’s Role in Power Market Comes Under Scrutiny [DealBook] $$$ Fink Says Diamond ‘Emotion’ May Have Aggravated Regulator [Bloomberg] $$$ The culture of CEO-punching runs deep at BarcLeh [NetNet / John Carney] $$$ That’s it for us today. Enjoy the 4th and we'll see you on Thursday. $$$ A $10 billion NY-based asset manager is looking for an ADR arbitrage trader - interested? [DBCC] $$$ Welcome back Ireland! [FTAV] $$$ SEC Loses Bid to Get SIPC to Pay Stanford Ponzi Claims [WSJ] $$$ In Maine, lobster that is cheaper than bologna [MSNBC] $$$ Tom Cruise prevented a Dawson's Creek reunion [NYP]

$$$ Something something something "[Bernanke] must once again address whether there is more the Fed can do to get the economy going and whether it is worth taking chances on controversial new programs" [WSJ] $$$ Brussels pushes for wide ECB powers [FT] $$$ Google, Apple CEOs in secret patent talks [Reuters] $$$ Goldman is struggling to sell an ABS deal backed by Bob Dylan royalties, inspiring many FT jokes [FT] $$$ Chipotle caught STEALING pennies from hapless customers nationwide in deceptive receipt rounding scandal [Daily Mail] $$$ Kelly & Dylan finally get together [NYP] $$$ A bulge bracket bank in New York is looking for a senior internal audit manager [DBCC] $$$ Guy voting Republican [CNBC] $$$ Sharp Elbows Among Street Lawmen [WSJ] $$$ Citi is looking for a little more space [WSJ] $$$ "A 97-year-old message in a bottle found by Scottish fishermen in their catch has set the world record for spending the longest time at sea." [Bloomberg] $$$ Over 100 students in Harvard's "Intro to Congress" class are being investigated for cheating [Crimson]

$$$ ECB Seen Favoring Bond Buying Over Bank Loans [Bloomberg] $$$ Swiss overhaul unsettles asset managers [FT] $$$ Homeowners give boost to US banks [FT] $$$ Treasury: Taxpayers Likely to Profit From Financial Rescue Programs [WSJ] $$$ Independent traders staged a walkout in one of CME Group Inc.'s CME busiest interest-rate futures pits, protesting a large, privately negotiated trade a day earlier that they claimed was unfair. The action by several dozen floor traders, which lasted about an hour, made prices harder to come by for some contracts used by banks and hedge funds to protect against shifts in some interest rates and threatened to deplete volumes in the market. ... Thursday's trade "was sort of the straw that broke the camel's back" for the protesters, said David Stein, an independent trader who was standing outside the pit Friday and who helped organize the protest. Mr. Stein said allowing privately negotiated block trades was "anticompetitive" and "un-American." [WSJ] $$$ A broker-dealer is looking for someone to trade equities in Dallas [DBCC] $$$ Obama likely paid higher tax rate than Romney in 2011 [Reuters] $$$ "The Securities and Exchange Commission is reviewing a proposal to create the first diamond-backed exchange-traded fund." [NYT] $$$ Facebook Acquires Mobile Marketer Tagtile [CNBC] $$$ Analysts Worry Gucci Will ‘Underperform’ Luxury Peers as PPR’s Stock Falls [Fashionista] $$$ Bloomberg unveils Muppets as NYC ambassadors [AP] $$$ “Hardcore Porn” Mistakenly Interrupts “Good Morning America” Broadcast In Two Towns [The JaneDough]

$$$ FBI Launches Criminal Inquiry Into Heinz Options Trading [WSJ] $$$ Herbalife Fourth-Quarter Profit Tops Analysts’ Estimates [Bloomberg] $$$ Greenlight shows 'likelihood of success' against Apple -judge [Reuters] $$$ One problem with paying interest on excess reserves is that you pay interest on excess reserves [FT] $$$ Blavatnik hits out at ‘arrogant’ JPMorgan [FT] $$$ "I use psychoanalytic theory to argue that the malevolent object of [Occupy Wall Street's] critique is the father, who, in fulfillment of the paternal function, forces socialization upon us. The world of artificial images is culture, seen from the standpoint of alienation. Their alternative, rooted in their authenticity, with themselves as models, doesn't amount to much." [SSRN via Bainbridge] $$$ "'If you want to protect yourself get a double barrel shotgun, you don't need an AR-15,' Biden said, referring to a type of semi-assault weapon. 'You don't need an AR-15, it's harder to aim, it's harder to use...buy a shotgun. Buy a shotgun.'" [TPM] $$$ A leading hedge fund administrator is seeking a project manager / business analyst [DBCC] $$$ OfficeMax, Office Depot in Talks to Merge [WSJ] $$$ Is Linn Energy ponzi-ish? [Bronte Capital] $$$ Institutional buyers jostle for position in new infrastructure debt market [Euromoney] $$$ Multimillion Diamond Heist at Brussels Airport [WSJ] $$$ A guy wrote a book that, unlike every other book, "paints a picture of a fast-moving, high-stakes, ego-fueled market controlled by a handful of traders. The champagne flowed when profit was strong, he said, but heads rolled over a single miscalculation." [DealBook] $$$ "[W]e are very well-versed in the legend of the power breakfast, but we will enhance it with our own culture ...” [NYP]