FED; FED; FED; FED; You Can Worship 'Star Wars' At This Movie-Themed Church Service; and more.

$$$ Behind Credit Default Swaps Market, a Cartel Left Open to Collusion [Dealbook] $$$ Jim Chanos: Hewlett Packard Is 'Ultimate Value Trap' [CNBC] $$$ Ackman Takes Activist Stance on P&G [CNBC] $$$ Goldman CEO Blankfein Said To Meet With Obama Adviser Lew [Bloomberg] $$$ Racketeering Charges Filed in Hedge Fund Divorce [NYO] $$$ Banker Tattoos [BuzzFeed] $$$ ...every so often, Ackman and his wife whirl through their Rolodexes and invite their unattached friends to come on over to their place and spend a few hours meeting other singles. In this day and age of internet dating, the Ackmans like to give that stressful process a personal touch. And last night was one of those nights when the man who runs $10 billion Pershing Square Capital Management and his wife Karen, who trained as a landscape architect, threw open the doors and hoped for the best. While no officials statistics have been kept, people who have attended the events say plenty of people have found their mates here. At this week’s event? Roughly 200 people attended, according to someone who was there. [Reuters, earlier] $$$ "Dozens of traffic signs have been destroyed by prostitutes performing pole-dances in the street to attract clients, officials in New Zealand's biggest city have revealed." [Telegraph] $$$ Charlie Gasparino: U.S. Insider Trading Investigation Winding Down (Maybe) [FBN] $$$ Ex-JPMorgan Banker Admits Role in Muni Bid-Rigging Scheme [Reuters] $$$ Paulson, Rubin Warn on Dangers of 'Fiscal Cliff' [CNBC] $$$ WWII Shipwreck Yields $38 Million of Silver From Atlantic [Bloomberg] $$$ High school kid accused of running in a potential $3 million marijuana ring. [CP]

Shake Shack loss; KKR succession plan; Insider tippers; Goat stolen so guy could ask girl "Would you goat to the prom with me?"; AND MORE.

Block calls U.S. stocks rally 'dead cat bounce'; Strategist says Trump is a wild card for the markets; Naked Female Motorist Leads New Mexico Cops On 100 MPH Chase, Says She Was Too Hot For Clothes; and more.

$$$ Argentina to Seize Control of Oil Firm [WSJ] $$$ World Bank picks Kim as next head [FT] $$$ Coty Tries to Rally Support for Avon Bid Amid Skepticism [DealBook] $$$ Brazil Cannibal Empanadas: Brazilian Women Murdered, Eaten And Made Into Human Pastries [HuffPo, congrats on the Pulitzer] $$$ PIMCO is looking to fill tax manager positions - in regulated and private funds - in Newport Beach [DBCC] $$$ New York Jets All-Pro D'Brickashaw Ferguson, will be on Wall Street (Exchange Place and Broad Street) at 3:45pm tomorrow as part of The Decathlon 2012. Ferguson will be demonstrating how The Decathlon uses performance-based donating ('charitybets') to raise money to support Memorial Sloan-Kettering Cancer Center. He'll be charitybetting on any Wall Streeter to come out and participate in a Vertical Jump contest. Ferguson will have a Vertec (devise used at the NFL Combine to test vertical leaping) and a few thousand dollars - CASH - to donate to MSKCC. Jump 24-inches, Ferguson donates $100. Jump $26-inches, Ferguson donates $200. And so on and so forth. Registration for The Decathlon 2012 opens Tuesday, April 17th. The event is on Sunday, July 29th at Columbia University's Wien Stadium. $$$ For Two Economists, the Buffett Rule Is Just a Start [NYT] $$$ Following Other People's Stock Picks Just Got Easier but why? [Bloomberg] $$$ What is Carney talking about? [Reuters / Ben Walsh] $$$ ECB staff demand inflation protection [Money Supply] $$$ Rock Out With Your Cock Out: Penis Warmers Are Now a Thing [Fashionista] $$$ Breasts lead to arrest of Anonymous hacker [CNET]

$$$ Boehner, Obama Exchange New Cliff Proposals [WSJ] $$$ Greece's lenders left to plug 450 mln euro hole after buyback [Reuters] $$$ Dragon Systems Founders Take Goldman to Trial Over Advice [Bloomberg] $$$ For employees of Bloomberg LP, a megabonus deferred [CapitalNY] $$$ Cayman Island Police Arrest Premier Over Credit Card Use [Bloomberg] $$$ An institutional equity research, sales and trading firm is looking to hire a senior biotech equity research analyst in Greenwich [DBCC] $$$ "Traders wanting to place bets on the U.S. Consumer Demand Index — a monthly reading of household spending sentiment — can now pay to get the data before anyone else." [MarketBeat] $$$ Not All Companies Would Welcome a Lower Tax Rate [DealBook] $$$ Argentina debt case weakens incentives to settle [Reuters] $$$ There's a dinosaur named after President Obama v [Fox]

$$$ Spain's Unemployment Jumps, Deepening Crisis [WSJ] $$$ "... the McClendon-[X] deal raises a number of concerns, some analysts said," for any X [Reuters, earlier] $$$ "Being violation-free alone does not guarantee that a public company or registered entity will not face the wrath of the U.S. Securities and Exchange Commission Division of Enforcement, its director, Robert Khuzami, told Thomson Reuters Tuesday." Good to keep 'em guessing. [Reuters] $$$ How to Leak to Gawker Without (Hopefully) Getting Caught, usefulness not limited to Gawker [Gawker] $$$ Who Was the Third Person in Bret Easton Ellis and Rielle Hunter’s (Aborted) Cocaine-Induced Threesome? [NYO] $$$ BNP Paribas would like to find an emerging markets equities analyst for its Boston office, if you know anyone [DBCC] $$$ Forget Bailouts, European Banks Needs Bail-Ins: Fitch [CNBC] $$$ After Quiet Years, British Regulator Gets Tough on Abuses [DealBook] $$$ Lazard profit drops on costs, but still beats Street [Reuters] $$$ Kyle Bass' Japan short gets the B-school case study treatment [AR-Alpha] $$$ Banks to Meet With Fed on Derivatives Rule [WSJ] $$$ Paul Ryan Suddenly Decides He Hates Ayn Rand [DI]

$$$ Foreclosure Settlement Amounts to Peanuts for Most Borrowers [AB] $$$ FBI probes trading as KPMG quits as Herbalife, Skechers auditor [Reuters] $$$ Big Dell Shareholder Prefers Two Rival Bids [DealBook] $$$ Ackman may be eyeing exit as JC Penney bet in tatters [Reuters] $$$ The leverage story banks want to hide [FT] $$$ DirecTV Adds DogTV Channel to Appeal to Canine Audience [Bloomberg] $$$ Regulators Are Concerned About Municipal-Bond Deals [WSJ] $$$ Activist Investors Find Allies in Mutual, Pension Funds [CNBC] $$$ Pimco's Gross Turns Positive on 10-Year Treasurys [WSJ] $$$ Swap traders’ morning fix under scrutiny [FT] $$$ Former Vice Mayor of Tennessee Town Accused of Terrorizing Dozens of Women with ‘Drive-By Masturbation’ [Gawker]