Help Me Pretend I'm A Cowboy In The Wild West: Things You Get To Say When You're A Billionaire Brokerage Founder

Joe Ricketts knows what we're talking about.
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For those of you anticipating attaining the title of billionaire in the near or semi-near future, there are a few downsides you should be aware of upfront. First of all, not everyone likes billionaires. They see you, with your 9 zeros, and just based on that think "F*ck that guy (or girl)." Second of all, keeping track of your houses can become a chore, and when you have more than 9, you inevitably start leaving crap in the Yellowstone house that you meant to bring to Verbier, ruining what was supposed to be a nice little weekend getaway. Third, you'll be forced to make the decision between continuing to put your pants on yourself each morning, or having someone dress you, Frech aristocracy-style, as well as the matter of walking around on your own like you did before becoming a man or woman of immense wealth, or being carried from place to place, leaving your legs to be simply ornamental. That said, there are some upsides to being a billionaire, which among them include commissioning your own dude ranch.

Mr. Hansen’s clients also include billionaire businessman Joe Ricketts, who founded online brokerage TD Ameritrade. Mr. Ricketts asked Mr. Hansen to build him a purple “show wagon,” similar to a traditional stagecoach. Mr. Ricketts sent over a twill button-down shirt in a purple he was sure would make his wagon stand out at the Calgary Stampede, an annual Canadian rodeo. Mr. Hansen was resistant: A purple-colored vehicle wasn’t historically accurate. Mr. Ricketts asked a fashion-house color coordinator to intercede and aubergine prevailed. Mr. Hansen experimented with colors for months. Fourteen coats of paint finally yielded a satisfactory hue, close to eggplant. “It was royal,” he says. “It was rich.” The wagon cost about $50,000 and performed like a champ. The six-horse hitch won the Calgary Stampede in 2010 and 2011. Mr. Ricketts, whose family owns the Chicago Cubs, says he dreams of asking Mr. Hansen to build him a “cook wagon,” the portable kitchen used by cowboys out on the range, and a “sheepherder wagon” for overnight guests.

So, pros/cons.

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