New CBS Follies Videos Include Life-Sized Tampons, Flashers, And A Cameo From A Bonafide CBS Follies Star

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As those of you familiar with the traditional business school schedule know, at the end of each semester, a fresh round of follies videos drops, attempting to top the previous season's tracks. Unfortunately, for the most recent entries out of Columbia Business School, it's extremely difficult to out-folly something that includes: The line "I’m a viper in a boardroom and a tiger in the sack," copious use of whips, a character called the "Stay-at-home f*cktoy" who comes with his own ball gag, male CBS students running a car wash in little more than red pleather vests, the aforementioned dudes pawing at each other in an inflatable pool while CBS women smoke cigars and throw cash at them, AKA last fall's Bitch in Business. Having said that! The spring semester's crop of clips makes a valiant effort. Herewith, "Recruitment Funk," "Birthday Treks," "Littlefield," and "CBS Hangover" and our notes.

This parody tells the plight of a CBS student that has not one, not two, but three job offers-- Google, Goldman Sachs, Procter & Gamble-- and the inner torment that comes with making choosing among them. Our favorite parts:

  • The P&G recruiter, who makes ample use of the company's products as props, nuzzling up against a bottle of Febreeze
  • The same P&G guy, again using the company's offerings as bait, standing in a corner while being pelted with tampons, which one receives for the price of on the house upon signing an offer
  • The Goldman recruiter standing in front of a row of monitors and stuffing cash in the the mouth of a woman wearing an outfit made of cash
  • Back to P&G guy, proclaiming "We'll take care of your crotch"
  • Some sort of tampon mascot dancing around in the back of the scene (+2 for really committing to this joke)
  • A Teach for America recruiter coming out of nowhere in a fedora and trench coat, literally flashing the heroine an offer (???)

This video is more instructive than anything else: it walks us through a typical weekend in which one can be found on the Lower East Side, celebrating at least 10 classmates' birthdays at one bar. Highlights:

  • The drunk couple on the way back uptown feeding each other comically large pieces of pizza
  • Half the guys that make up the 10:1 ratio of guys to gals standing in a circle casually taking their shirts off together

"Littlefield" appears to be major inside baseball. It involves a simulation and a Tamagotchi. Also references to movies about obsessives.

"CBS Hangover," as you might have guessed, is a parody of The Hangover, involving four business students waking up after two years, hung over as hell and missing one of their classmates. Fave moments:

  • The fact that, at 9:34, this thing is nearly double the length of your standard follies video. Ballsy!
  • The ultra tiny keyboard during the musical interlude
  • The mounting of the Columbia Lion
  • The fact that the the star of "B*tch in Business," Irina Yudovich, busts out a follow-up performance in this clip! I literally said to Thornton, "Holy sh*t, that's the girl from "B*tch in Business!" It was like watching an actual movie and being able to place an actor immediately without having to hit up IMDB, which doesn't tend to happen when you're watching business school parodies. When Shonda Rhimes finishes her inevitable business school pilot, she'd best get in touch with this one.

If we had to rank our top picks, it'd probably come down to "Recruitment Funk" and "CBS Follies," with the former winning by a hair, but we're open to having a heated debate on the matter.

Related: Columbia B-School Students Introduce The Concept Of The “Stay-At-Home F*cktoy”

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