Rand Paul Officially Wants to Be President of The United States of Everywhere But Wall Street

Oh man, he hates you finance people a whole lot.
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Rand Paul has thrown his hat into the Presidential ring.

But it's definitely not a fancy Wall Street hat, like a fedora. It's more like a dusty cowboy hat... Or better yet a hardhat worn by a Detroit auto worker. Rand Paul loves Detroit you guys.

We know this because he chose to launch his campaign to this music video:

Damn it Wall Street, you're literally killing Kris Kristofferson and Mickey Rourke has had it up to here with this shit.

GIVE KRIS HIS JOB (OR AT LEAST HIS COUCH) BACK, GOLDMAN SACHS!

Sorry, where were we?

Oh right, a libertarian ophthalmologist from Kentucky wants to be President. And when he's in charge, you too-big-to-failers are going to pay for what you did to Detroit.

(Let's not tell Rand that the bailouts were maybe what kept Detroit's heart faintly beating, or that a real libertarian might have argued that Detroit's implosion was an act of market free will.)

It's Presidential Primary Time y'all!

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