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Rand Paul Officially Wants to Be President of The United States of Everywhere But Wall Street

Oh man, he hates you finance people a whole lot.

Rand Paul has thrown his hat into the Presidential ring.

But it's definitely not a fancy Wall Street hat, like a fedora. It's more like a dusty cowboy hat... Or better yet a hardhat worn by a Detroit auto worker. Rand Paul loves Detroit you guys.

We know this because he chose to launch his campaign to this music video:

Damn it Wall Street, you're literally killing Kris Kristofferson and Mickey Rourke has had it up to here with this shit.


Sorry, where were we?

Oh right, a libertarian ophthalmologist from Kentucky wants to be President. And when he's in charge, you too-big-to-failers are going to pay for what you did to Detroit.

(Let's not tell Rand that the bailouts were maybe what kept Detroit's heart faintly beating, or that a real libertarian might have argued that Detroit's implosion was an act of market free will.)

It's Presidential Primary Time y'all!


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