$$$ Lehman Units Settle $38 Billion in Claims [WSJ] $$$ When will PE firms exit from all their "golden age" buyouts? [Fortune] $$$ Hedge funds love affair with leverage still on hiatus, for now [Reuters] $$$ Russian cyber gang said to be organizing a ‘mega heist’ of US banks [Qz] $$$ GE Capital Said to Near Systemic-Risk Label in Review [Bloomberg, related?] $$$ World’s Least Fun Person Removing One-of-a-Kind Slide From Apartment He Just Bought [DI] $$$ A New York multi-strat hedge fund is looking for a junior collateral manager [DBCC] $$$ Moody’s warns on Portugal’s bailout plan [FT] $$$ On jobs report, "what we might be seeing is an evolution of seasonal patterns — people starting school and leaving their summer gigs earlier in the summer — which has big implications for how the Labor Department digests and reports the monthly jobs data." [Economix] $$$ After JPMorgan, Hannam Said to Focus on Afghan Gold Mine [Bloomberg] $$$ 'Price is Right' finds first male model in show history [NYP] $$$ Is Quebec's Stolen Maple Syrup Stashed in Stomachs? [Bloomberg]

How Harvard Business School blew one first year's mind; SnapChat's plan to turn itself into a real business; Greece; Libor trial; "Marijuana-Infused Smoked Salmon Is The Future Of Breakfast"; and more.

Ex-BankAtlantic CEO gets bar, fine; "Alleged penis-measuring exec charged in blood diamond scam"; Uber v. Brazil; "A Harvard employee has been accused of stealing $80,000 from the university and spending it on Lego and Apple products."; and more.

$$$ Arrests Near Stock Exchange Top 100 on Occupy Wall St. Anniversary [NYT] $$$ Pandit’s Censured Bonus Unhurt by Smith Barney Writedown [Bloomberg] $$$ America’s Fourth-Richest Woman Unveiled With Koch Stake [Bloomberg] $$$ The incidence of the corporate tax is progressive [WonkBlog] $$$ Apple sells 2 million new phones, sets early order record [Reuters] $$$ B-School Applicants Decline for Four Years [WSJ] $$$ "One sophomore, granted anonymity by The Crimson because she was afraid to be associated with a party that had been interrupted by police ... [said] 'Everyone at Harvard is very career-minded. No one likes the cops.'" [Crimson] $$$ A mid-sized global investment bank is looking for a senior quant developer for its FICC trading desk in New York [DBCC] $$$ "One could easily conclude that [corporate bond] ETFs are ending up with the inventory that dealers can’t manage themselves. Which makes perfect sense if you consider that ETFs are a great place for dealers to park inventory on a funded and risk-recycled basis." [FTAV] $$$ Euro crisis tests limits of "French exception" [Reuters] $$$ Schulze still trying to line up Best Buy bid funding [NYP] $$$ A federal court ruled that a fraternity is not a monastery for zoning purposes [VC] $$$ "A Wal-Mart cashier and manager tore up two $100 bills and held a customer for hours until police came and told the store the cash was legitimate, the furious customer claims in court." [CNS]

$$$ For Some PFG Customers: 'It's MF Global All Over Again' [WSJ] $$$ Diamond Accused Of Lying After FSA Releases Letter [Bloomberg] $$$ Spain pressed to inflict losses on savers [FT] $$$ Harvard JD/MBAs mostly go into business, rarely into law, almost never into presidenting [NYT] $$$ Bring Back the General Manager [HBR] $$$ Yoga Instructor Fired From Gig at Facebook HQ After Telling Employee Not to Check Facebook During Class [Gawker] $$$ IPOs were filed today for companies named Barking Applications Corporation and Galt Petroleum, Inc. [EDGAR] $$$ A private equity firm in Greenwich is looking for an investment analyst [DBCC] $$$ Fed Should Raise Interest Rates to 2-3 Percent: Einhorn [CNBC] $$$ Blackstone Aims to Shed U.S. Office Portfolio [WSJ] $$$ Passport liquidates materials fund [AR+Alpha] $$$ Fox Business talking head used to work at PFGBest, is sad [MarketBeat] $$$ AMR To Consider Mergers After Studying Financial Outlook [Bloomberg] $$$ The Chaps Olympiad features English fops jousting with umbrellas on bicycles [Telegraph via The Awl]

Warren Buffett is making you fat; Female exec pay is really, really bad; Munger mocks Greeks; Kraft/Heinz; Man puts cardboard cutout of Dos Equis guy in passenger seat so he can use carpool lane; and more.

$$$ JPMorgan Said To Face Escalating Senate Probe Of CIO Loss [Bloomberg] $$$ J.P. Morgan Names New Chief Investment Officer [Deal Journal] $$$ Banks now like to do quarterly calls with bondholders [WSJ] $$$ Some people still like big banks [Bloomberg] $$$ FINRA is suing a test-prep firm for taking Series 7, etc., exams 64 times, failing 52 of those times, and memorizing the questions to tell their students [Reuters; the complaint is also amusing] $$$ [Harvard] Economics concentrator Ali E. Evans ’13 received his [Harvard Business School] acceptance email on Wednesday while sitting in class next to his roommates. He said he celebrated silently and texted his parents. Evans said he has visited classes at the Business School with his tutors at Kirkland House since sophomore year. "Leading my own company one day is definitely a goal of mine, and so business school definitely fits in with that plan," he said. [Crimson] $$$ Pimco is looking for a diversity & inclusion coordinator in Newport Beach [DBCC] $$$ Qatar Imperils Big Merger of Commodity Companies [DealBook] $$$ There's a new Kindle Fire and it's cheaper [WSJ] $$$ Citigroup, Goldman, UBS Sued Over Mortgage-Backed Bonds [Bloomberg] $$$ Goldman must face mortgage debt claims - 2nd Circuit [Reuters] $$$ European political leader says "Some fans of group sex say that it’s better than one-on-one because, as with any collective work, you can skive off," is not Silvio Berlusconi [Telegraph]

$$$ Spain rating slashed 3 notches by Moody's [Reuters] $$$ Citigroup was once worse than it is now [Bloomberg] $$$ Gupta Prosecutors Draw ‘Secret Pipeline’ Pattern; Defense Asks, ‘Where’s the Beef?’ [DealBook] $$$ JPMorgan doomsday scenario revealed [FT, FTAV] $$$ Large Institutions Discuss New Marketplace for Bonds [WSJ] $$$ George W. Bush’s decapitated head appeared on Game of Thrones [io9] $$$ Lombard Street Research is looking for a senior institutional sales executive in New York [DBCC] $$$ Crédit Agricole Girds Greek Unit for Greece Euro Exit [WSJ] $$$ Two PMs leave Taconic to form value equity shop [AR] $$$ Should lawyers have stopped the London Whale? [ATL] $$$ Endless QE? $6 trillion and counting [Reuters] $$$ Cops: Man on drugs rammed Stamford police cruisers [Stamford Advocate]